Attack, Attack, Attack.... should be my middle name!!!

So Grattan experience #2 was tonight. It went well, with me and Baar getting away on the first lap for a photo opportunity. Then I attacked a few more times as Ben Whitehead told me I should and finally a break with me in it got away. There were 5 WM Coast riders in it along with myself, Ben Whitehead, and a mystery man. I felt good when I attacked, but soon after the days of diarreha and vomitting caught up with me. I could barely hold wheels or make pulls at the front so i just hung tough. I found that my mind is really a lot more powerful than I give myself credit for. I ended up 7th out of about 60 guys I think, so not a bad days work. I got a huge boost of confidence when Danielle showed up, Thank you so much. I had to explain to the guys how I knew her and they all thought it was weird that I could still be friends with Kristi and her friends. Why is it weird, they are a great group of people. I should have my friends come out more to watch because I always come up big when they do. I can not lie though, I wanted to drop out about 5 laps in and then when we got away I thought I would not finish at all. I am so depleted right now, but with Danielle being there and her knowing how much I ride, I could not dissappoint. I want to show the people who actually give a shit about my cycling that I can be strong and hang with some of the best in Michigan. I told the guys after the race that i was working for them at the state champs RR this weekend and they just looked at me and said screw that we are working for you. So now I must rest and put some weight on my shoulders for a good result. I can't wait it should be a bloodbath. I learned a lot though tonight, about how to suffer, and boy did I do that. If anyone would have known how bad I really felt then they would understand this. I am strong though, I can not let my work and effort in this endeavor go to waste. Finally, I am going to watch History of Violence again, because it is an awesome flick. Ok, thanks again Nelle, I consider you a truly great friend, hell even my best friends from High School have never seen me race. Time to chill buddy!!! Later!

Giorno Per Giorno

Ah so i had a shitty day, but that can't ruin the fact that my ride was for once easy and good!!! I worked 9 hours today and that blew balls. But anywho, tomorrow is Grattan and it should be rainy again. I really want to race and just jam. I have to see what kind of stomach problems I have though, so that means getting up at 6 am to get to the doctor for some tests. I thought it was heat stroke but it has not subsided one bit. So today I spent either at work, on the toilet, with my head in the toilet, or trying not to vomit. Great day. I also picked up some Italian from the live Giro coverage ( see title of my blog). That means day by day. Other than that the Munchie Mart cams caught a guy who had a stolen credit card and bought 70 bucks worth of booze. So he is busted. I guess he stole a ladies purse with her credit cards in it, then went around to all the local stores buying stuff with it. At least that is what Officer Czarnowski says happened. He knew the exact time that the guy purchased the items from our store, amazing what technology can do. OK off to bed and onto a second movie. Just watched "Bad News Bears", the remake, and it was pretty damn funny. Now onto "History of Violence". Peace creeps!!!

A few more!!!

Cornering, notice my ripped arms!!! I mean fat arms!
At times that is how it feels, cramps suck!!!!
Me telling Louie I am good to go, you can drink that DP buddy!!!
A dicey corner, or so I thought it would be, not so!!!!
Doing all I know how to do, that is attack. Try and chase me!!!


Here are a few more pics from racing, I know I am a loser!!!

Logging it!!!

Jeremy is attacking late in the race, big surprise huh???
Pondering why I want to race 84 miles.... I think!
Josh and me hanging out, notice the guys that got dropped in the background!
Jeremy sprinting for the field win a lap early!!!
Pondering some more, why so long of a Road race?

Here are a few pictures from some races last season and this year at WMU....Thanks Bubbles. I noticed how much weight I really did lose over the winter, it shows in my face especially!!

Thursday- 3 Hours solo!
Friday- 3 Hours 15 Minutes, did some km's with Jacob and then with Kristi. Nice day out!!!
Saturday- 3 Hours 45 Minutes solo again.
Sunday- 3 Hours 30 Minutes solo. Big week of training!!!

Week Totals- 21 Hours 30 Minutes. 718 km's!!!

Monday- 5 Hours 15 Minutes solo. Very hot out, torched and heat stroke. Good ride! 168 km's

Torching the KM's

So i did a big ride today......solo. I got in about 170 KM's which is about 105-110 miles. It was a blast furnace and I payed for it as I now have some heat stroke. I am already tan but now I have an uber tan. ( uber = super) I had a very good week of training and I blocked out all of the pain in my body and just got on with the task at hand, epecially today. At one point my bottles were piss warm and I mean warm, and the girls at the Munch will atest to that. I had Erin and Carrie feel how warm they were and they just asked, " you were actually drinking that?" As long as it is wet it is good, well somewhat. I began hallucinating some time around 4 and a half hours. I found myself uncontrollably laughing at the dumbest things. Anyways I have also found a way to get out the door and feel comfortable for a little bit at the start of the ride. I put my bibs on and then hop in a freezing cold shower and it lasts for about 30 minutes. Better than nothing I guess. So in the next few weeks I am going to be a cycling machine. I am doing the state champs road race next Sunday in Muskegon. Then Kokomo TT in Kokomo Indiana on June 11, then Summer Solstice June 16-18. The Summer Solstice is a crit, 2 road races and a Time Trial in the span of about 48 hours, actually 38 hours, but thats cycling. This training should come in handy for these races. Also I may go to the State track and field finals this coming Saturday, an ex-teacher from my newspaper class sent me an email telling me I should stop by and say hi. I guess he ran into someone and he heard about my cycling and he wants me to come give the youngsters a pep talk. Being that I haven't been in the whole HS running community in a bit I may pass. Come on it has been 7 years and I do not need to be there. Who knows, I will already be in Grand Rapids for the race on Sunday, hopefully I can stay with Bubbles, Boer or Baar??? I dont want to wake up at 5:30 again for a race that is 102 miles. I need good sleep. Other than that I am very high on morale and confidence. I do not think I have ever been this psyched for tough races coming up. Until later, keep your fingers out of your nose and feet out of ur ass. Later!!!

Terminably insane!!!

I may be a bit insane or so I have heard. I also hear I may have a cult following with this damn blog. Nonetheless sorry for the delays in updates. What have I been up to? Well it is finally nice out and I was supposed to be racing my arse off this weekend, but the races of Quad cities were all full and The Great Race is a Cat 3 only race, and I do not want a suspension or a fine from USA cycling for racing as Louie, so I took the weekend away from racing. I have been riding my ass off though, seriously. I think I will have about 22 hours in after this weekend is said and done. Then next week I plan on doing Grattan again on Wednesday and on Sunday is the 102 mile state championship road race. You may think 102 miles is a lot, but it is manageable and only fitting that it is the state road race. I am doing comparatively well considering what I was doing last year. I really have no worries at the moment other than not being able to sleep well. I have some shit going on in my head about where and what I want to do with my life after this season is through. On a really good note we finally got our Smith Optics in and I will receive them on Wednesday at the latest. So now I am going to ride again for the second time today and try to be content. It is really a furnace out there today though. Good for the sun tan though. Oh yeah I am also planning on seeing what the BIG PRO's are made of and really what I am made of. I am planning on doing Summer Solstice in Ohio June 16-18, which consists of a night crit on Friday, a Road Race and Time Trial on Saturday, and another Road Race on Sunday. I am also planning on Fitchburg and that is where I will find out how good or bad I really am. It is a VERY big NRC stage race in Massachusetts. So I am getting prepared. Finally The Giro is OVER...... Basso annihilated the field winning the GC by 9:18. Lance who??????? Later!!!

So my comp suck and so does rain!!!

I have been having problems with my internet connection so that is why I have not updated lately!! Well in 2 days haha!!! So nothing really new other than my knee feels much better as of the past few days. Earlier tonight I had my first Grattan experience, and it was wet and oil slicked. This does not go well with Carbon rims. I was sliding my rear tire around nearly every little turn. This caused me to be hesitant and lose positions very easily. I did manage to attack for the first 8 laps or so..... every lap through i made an effort. I went there to do what I had planned and get a good workout in. These races go by so fast now, focus is definitely at an all time high. Also, my morale is at an all time high. I am strong but not smart, I just love making others hurt as well as myself. It did not help that The Priority boys had Richard England, Brent Bookwalter, and Brian Sheedy there. Rich is the Australian national criterium champion. That says enough if you know anything about cycling. When he attacked once he just drove like a damn motorcycle away from the group. It really sucks that I had the wrong equiptment today though because I had good legs, but when you do not want to crash in a training race, you do not risk anything..... So then I rode back to Dave's without getting lost and not knowing the way back, I got lucky. Other than that I am working tomorrow and Friday then a weekend full of races. I also met Dan Dubes today who just happens to be Danielle Hockstra's uncle....small world I guess. Anyways I also got to stop at the infamous gas station that Kristi and I rode to on Easter. The sad part is I never remember directions to get to anyones house unless I have been there multiple times, but I saw Egypt Valley road and I was going to stop in and say hi to her mom and dad, but I didn't know if that would go over well with them. I was happy though with putting the hammer down for a bit today..... it is truly what i was meant to be doing. Later all!!!
J_DUB

Monday- 2 Hours 30 Minutes.
Tuesday- 2 Hours.
Wednesday- AM 45 minute spin. PM 1 Hour warmup, Grattan, 30 Minute CD. 3 Hours 30 Minutes.

nobody knows!!!

So a good day today, other than work... Well not really, I ran into an old flame while I was riding and she stopped me to talk. She was saying how she missed me and wanted to contact me but didn't know how I would react. So I came out and told her I am much happier without her in my life at all. The weird thing is that it wasn't hard at all. I may be destined to be alone... I got to thinking about her after we parted ways and all I could remember was how bad it was at the end and how everything turned out. I miss talking to her, but not seeing her or hearing about her life, she was a good friend, but I will not reopen that line of communication. Oh well, other than that things are great. There are days when i think about Kristi and how she is doing and there are days where she is so far from my mind. I guess that is where the healing begins. But me writing about her is not good...... So onto my week, I decided not to race in Indiana, but in Chicago all weekend. The competition in Chicago will be top notch and I mean top notch. I want to see how hard it really is... I want to hurt and test my body. Other than that Grattan is Wednesday and regardless of what the Ada boys want to do I may have my own agenda. I know I am filthy strong, so I am gonna lay it all down. I am not worried about results or anything other than punishing my body for what I have done wrong. I have always tried to be everything to everyone and that ends now. I am here for me, not anyone else. If you want to come along for the ride then try to suck my wheel, or something else, haha. OK I better roll, gotta get up early for a morning ride, then work, then another ride. Yeah the life of a cyclist gotta love it!!!

Somebody help me change this animal I have become!!!

Ah so another day and another experience. I woke up today feeling like I was run over by a train, I mean literally my knees were fuct!!! After a bit I started to feel OK and after a mocha from the coffee shop I was ready to roll. Me and Luke were meeting at Water Street Coffee Shop on Oakland at noon, but I received a call from DA (who turned 21 last night) to come and see something real quick, and as I had time to spare I flipped around and headed down Howard St. to meet up with him for a minute. Total waste of my time to go meet him, but I still beat Luke to the Coffee Shop anyways, so all was good. Luke finally got his team bike in and it was nice to see him out on it . We then waited another 10 minutes for Jeff, but left and he met up with us down the road. We rode a nice little 2 hour loop out in the country and it felt good. When I got back and unclipped I felt how bad my knee really is. I almost could not get my leg over my bike, which is scary. I never get sore, so I know something is seriously wrong. Time to be cautious and go easy for a few days. Although I am racing Wednesday at Grattan raceway in Grand Rapids, then Saturday and Sunday in Indiana, and Monday in Chicago. So 4 races in 6 days will be even better for the knee. I have never done the Wednesday night race in Grand Rapids, but The Ada-Alltel boys asked me to come up so we can try a few things. Here is what I am going to try......attack as much as I can. It is a training race, so I will get some good training out of it. Then Saturday and Sunday should be fun, as The Great Race in Elkhart is always fast, especially the criterium which is a wide open 4 corner crit. Then Monday is a holiday and I am doing the Pro Quad Cities race. So I am really busy this week with all of that and working 32 hours also. One final note, Jeff and I were kicking ourselves today for not just attacking the group we were in with about 3-5 miles to go. He said if me and him would have just attacked them we could have held the peloton off together and we could have split the money after the race. Thinking about it we really should have, but that is bike racing, you have to be strong, but sometimes smarts wins out over strength. Next time I am in a break away that is not working together I am just going to hammer away and go alone if I have to. Ok time for some rest and then some Giro watching, then work. Later all.

Wednesday- 1 Hour 15 Minutes very easy. Knee really sore today.
Thursday- 2 Hours 30 Minutes. Really windy, knee starting to feel a bit better.
Friday- 1 Hour 45 Minute Pre race ride.
Saturday- 30 Minute Warm-up, Kensington Race- 2 Hours 45 Minutes, 30 Minute Cool-down
Saturday- 2 Hours 30 Minutes Post Race ride to clear the Lactic Acid out of the legs.
Sunday- 2 Hours 30 Minutes, nice ride with Luke and Jeff.

Week Total- 19 Hours 45 Minutes
Race Notes- Be smarter in breakaways and work on my jumps. All in all though a very good race.

What a Difference a Year makes!!!

OK, to start off I did not really sleep last night and I had to get up at 330 AM to get to the race by 6 AM. I wasn't too optimistic about my chances as my knee has been bad. I got there and the guys showed up right after and I got my new gear, yeah!! You may not recognize me as our colors are now red, white and black! I was the only one on the team to get jersey and bibs everyone else got jerseys only, so I felt I had to make it well deserved! The race went well, I attacked a few times but never got a gap, then 5 guys attacked while I was just getting brought back into the group ( I think) so I couldn't go with it. 3 more guys attacked later with Brent Bookwalter in it and no one wanted to even try to match it. Then with 1 lap to go I decided it was time for a go and I saw a break forming. There were 6 guys in it and only myself and Ben Whitehead were pulling on the front and I went OFF on the guys not doing any work, we could have made it if they would have pulled and they know this too. I lost a lot of respect for Stan today even though he is a great rider. Then coming up the last climb as we were caught I attacked with 600 meters to go, I had a gap but looked back and it was single file coming into the sprint with 45 guys sitting behind me. I got swamped with 300 meters to go and i was kinda pissed, but I gave it a shot. After the race I got some very encouraging words from Jeff, Jay, and Ben. Jeff told me he wanted to attack when I did and it was great to see me so active. I told him I felt like I had to prove I can race with these guys and all he said is " YOU CAN, YOU ARE REALLY STRONG". Jay told me great job and I said thanks and he looked me in the eye and he said, " Jeremy I am serious, you have to learn to take a compliment." I guess I just want to do better, can anyone blame me for that. I see myself as having a lot to prove, but obviously I don't, because the State Champ doesn't just throw words around like that. Coming from them it means more than most say to me!!! I raced not being afraid and it paid off, maybe one day it will work when I can come to the line alone and have some time to enjoy it and celebrate!!! I was amazed how easy it went and how fast the race went by. 70 miles of racing is never easy, but today was not hard at all. I guess being completely committed and focused on it has paid its dues! Lastly, Mr. Olson, stop being lazy and worry about yourself in the race, I do not have to close down gaps for you or worry about my line into corners, as I am in front of you I control my own line. It is sad that an ex-coach can be so amateur when he thinks he is so-pro!!! Who really says "hold your line anyway"??? Grow up Mark!!! OK, I am way too tired and I need a nap, then some more riding, but very easy. I finished better in the pro field today then I did in the Cat. 3 field last year!!! Things could not be better!!! Later!!!

POST #100 OH YEAH!!!

Ok so here is post 100. Today was good, I left work around noonand went for a ride, note to all of you who call me to ride.... DO NOT tell me to just spin around waiting, I literally went up and down Oakland 10 times waiting for ur ass and you never showed or called me back, JACKASS!!! But good news is my knee feels normal, or as close as its gonna get for tomorrow. No new galsses for tomorrow, but we will have the new jerseys in!!! Its me, Baar and bubbles for Ada so we have a few options, but I know I may be in the best shape out of all of us. I actually did some sprints today and they went great, felt good to let loose. Tomorrow is going to be HUGE, 76 guys so far in the Pro 1/2 race and I will not just sit and wait, time to make things happen. I am not afraid od these guys, I know they are better, but if I want to get better I have to go after it. Now next week is also very busy, 3 races in 3 days in Indy and Chicago. I only work 4 days also, so yeah life is very good. I went and watched the Pistons game tonight with the Algonac crew plus about 8 others. It was awesome, except Andy was there with his Cavaliers shirt on and everyone was yelling ASSHOLE the whole 4th quarter at him. A few guys even bought him shots, haha. I just had a burger and laughed with my good friends. Nothing else is new really, just looking ahead to tomorrow, OK I better nod off, I have to leave in 5 hours for the race, wish me luck......Later!!!

Yeah I want that!!

So no matter what i do I am always running around like a chicken with my head cut off.... AHHH life is really busy. Worked 40 hours alreayd this week, and have been riding a bit here and there. I actually got some really good news about a new job. Due to the fact that I know people and people seem to think I am a hard worker this has gotten my foot in the door. I will not say where, because I will not jinx myself, but lets just say it is a step in the right direction. I also received word that Jake and Brent are racing tomorrow, uh oh, well that means it will be SUPER hard and really fun. I am pumped, but I will write more later, I have to wake up at 330 AM!!! EWWW just to go race, oh well thats the life I guess! Later!

don't count der kaiser out yet!!!

WOW, what a difference a week and a half make! Jan Ullrich is back and I think he will be ready for the tour. He just crushed everyone in the Giro TT except for Basso. Jan won and there were huge time gaps, Basso caught Cunego and Cunego started 5 minutes ahead of him. At there level that is very hard to do. Now I think Basso and Salvodelli are the top 2 Giro contenders. But come Tour time watch out for big Jan!!! OK, so update on my life. My knee feels better today, but felt horrible last night. I am going to try and race this weekend and see how it feels. Then on Sunday me and the boys are going to go watch the Tigers play the Reds. Last night I may have went to watch the Pistons game with Adam, Nicky and Holly and gotten a lil tipsy for a bit, but I was normal by about 11 PM. I feel torn between doing the right thing in my head and the right thing in my heart. I know Kristi really doesn't want me around, but it just hurts to come to that realization. I talked to the folks about it and my mom put it best, "nothing I say will make it better or change the fact that you are upset about it." I really want the best for her, even though I still love talking to her, so saying that I may not call anymore. I know she is hurting inside about her ex and it just makes me sad to know she is hurting. I guess friends put it best, if somone wants to be with you then they will, if not then it is not worth worrying about how they are doing or how they are feeling. Things progressed way too fast with me and her and I believe it was a case of her trying to see something in me that she saw in JH, but you can't go looking for someone to be in your life when you can't forget about someone else. I have to think about what I want and what she wants at the same time, the best thing to do is not call her or try to talk to her, because it will just cause worse feelings. I just hope she can figure everything out for herself, because I have figured everything out. It is going to take time, but it is the right thing to do.... I think? I also decided that I am going to try to get into cyclingcenter in Belgium for next season. This means sending them all of my cycling info, doing testing to see where I am really at in my progression and then the decision is up to them. Josh told me it is very expensive, but I will learn a lot. If I really want to take the next step in cycling then I have to do this. I have to say thanks to Adam, Nicky, and Holly for last night, I have known you guys for a long time...maybe too long haha, but you guys are the greatest friends and no matter how long between visits nothing ever changes between us. I must also apologize to Lindsay for my display of total anarchy last night, but you didn't have to choke me for it, haha. OK, gotta go look at the apt for next year!!! Later!

Bored so here is another one!!!

http://midwestcyclinggroup.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=528. Note how I am on the top of the list! Hopefully the race shows me that too, one can hope and dream.....right???? Also I found a new song or two, one by Blue October- Hate Me, and another by Redman and Methodman- Da Rockwilda!!! I am out!

I may be fast afterall!!!

So today was good and bad, good because i left work early to ride, bad because i found out how bad my knee really is!!! It is sore, painful and swollen and getting worse it seems. I run the risk of injuring it more if I continue, but I am not throwing away my season after all my training. That is part of an athletes life, train to race or train and get injured. I did get an autograph request today and i was amazed. A few young looking chaps were driving when I was on my Time Trail bike and I see they are yelling something at me. I got to the light and stopped and all they said was, "wow you are "f#$king fast man, you were going 42 MPH." All i could say in return was, "I guess you were speeding then huh?" They asked me for an autograph and I thought it was a joke but the kid looked serious as hell. I could not oblidge his request as I do not carry a pen with me, haha. I switched bikes and rode easy for a bit on my road bike after that. As I am coming home down Oakland, I punched it to get ahead of a car on a downhill and got stopped at another light, I look over to see if I made the person mad in the car and the lady just smiled rolled down her window and said, " you know you are a little bad ass on that thing don't you?" I laughed and shrugged my shoulders at her. It is amazing to me that people actually think I am good at this, OK so I was riding as fast or faster than a few cars, they only have engines in them right. My legs are like pistons firing at times, but today was really not a good day on the ride. The sun did come out and it felt great to sweat on a training ride. OK, I have to get back to work and finish my shift. I am getting my smith optics glasses on Saturday, yes they were free. Just a perk of doing what I do and sacrificing my body and life for cycling. I need a "real" job though, I am sick of going into work everyday dreading the Munch, so I am going hunting on Thursday!!! Until next time keep your nose out of the wind and sit on wheels until the sprint, if you can keep up with me!!Later!!

Sunday- 3 hours 45 minutes. Rain and cold again as usual
Monday- 3 Hours 15 Minutes. did this in 2 rides, had some diarreha problems and a stomach bug is in me!!!
Tuesday- Stomach bug still there, knee is swelling up, still managed 2 Hours 15 Minutes.

Um Yeahhhhhhh!!!

Ok so today I slept in and by sleeping in I mean rolling around from 8 AM to 11 AM because I can't sleep past 8!!! Then I went for a morning spin around noon. I have found it again, the will to hurt. I don't know why my body was in shut down mode, but a lot happened lately. Then i saw the Giro stage events and it was for the sprinters. Then i went out for my second ride and went really easy, or easy for me. Then i sat around watching some of that 70's show. Before I went to work I had to drop some stuff off to Emil and Kristi, we have had Emils yakima tray for almost a year and I finally got it back to him, I really miss his sarcasm around..... Then what i thought would be an awkward appearance was not awkward at all. Just to see Kristi was a blessing. I saw her new place and its awesome, pretty spacious. Then i left, but I just wanted clarity of the whole situation. She told me that it would not be fair to me and truthfully I greatly appreciate that. I don't know when we will talk again or when we will see each other, but I really do care about her and I know she cares, but it is just obvious that she is not over her ex and I can fully understand that. I know it is hard to forget about someone, but the way i did it was no contact at all. It is hard but it helps. I do not need to do this with kristi because there are no hard feelings over it all. I can be friends with her and if she realizes she does want to be with me someday then that is her choice, if not I know there is someone there who I can trust and confide in. I miss her and will miss her for a while, but it will always be great to see her and just be in her presence. I have to give a major thank you to someone who i have not mentioned in this blog, you know who you are and I do not have to tell you how much you have helped. Thanks for being an unbiased friend in every aspect. Alright I better get going I have to wake up in 4 and a half hours to ride before work, then work till 6 PM, then ride some more, then work on my tubulars with Josh. Later!!

Bad Bad Basso

So today was an excellent day, got in a great hard ride and then relaxed and cleaned up the place. I also did some laundry and watched part of season 4 of that 70's show. I bought season 4 today and this is the best set yet!!! Before I get to far ahead of myself, I also got to watch the GIRO today. The first true mountain stage, and it was incredible. I think I said Basso and Cunego were two of my favorites and boy was I right... I think i may have a job in this, I think I would be a great director sportif... Anyways with 4 k to go today Cunego attacked and Basso was the only one able to react, but he went right by and just rode away from Cunego, seated the entire time. Cunego just couldn't hold the wheel. I was amazed how effortless Basso looked... I hope someday i can look that effortless in a big race while riding away from people. Today i decided I will dedicate everything to becoming the best rider I can be, because I have been slacking the last few months and not always doing what it takes to be better, the little things. Other than that things are amazingly great. I had the day off and just got to think about where I want my life to go. A lot has happened this past week, but hell everything can't always go right. So now I am off into the abyss, I can be better and I know it.

Feeling Alive

First off I want to say Happy Mothers Day to my caring and wonderful mom, you know how much you mean to us mom and we love you. I couldn't imagine a mom that is as great as her.... Thanks for everything. OK, so i have been going over a lot in my head and I am alive as ever. Things that make me feel alive are few but they include my family and my cycling, also great friends and even some people who will never understand how much they really mean to me. So the other day i had a slight "bindle" ( Aussie talk for a crash) and did not realize how bad my knee really was until this mornings ride. Seriously it is not good, but i am strong and it will be fine. I realized that when I am out riding with my tunes on nothing really matters, things just dissappear into the abyss. I am so strong on the bike right now, the strongest I have ever been and it feels good to know this. So I am going to get another ride in today and then relax and think. I talked to kristi today and it felt good to just talk to her. I do not know what is going to happen with her, but all in all being a friend to her is all I can do, I just hope she realizes that I am still here to talk to about anything. This is the first person I have not judged on anything and that felt good to have someone that I could trust. I can not look back and say it was not worth it because it was so worth it. This week my plate is FULL, I have to work 40 hours and then get up at about 4 AM on Saturday to drive over to the East side of the state for the Kensington Valley Road Race. I better have good sensations because last year was not a good race for me. I had stomach problems in the first 5 miles, but still finished with the group after 56 miles. This year is around 70 Miles so lets keep our heads up and look for good things. Life is great at the moment, not all of life, but what can you do about that???

I must be amusing!

So I guess everyone and the mother has been reading my blog. I have gotten a lot of rave reviews on this.What can i say I guess I am an interesting young chap. So I have to refrain from some things in here, and i understand why. All I want to know is what is going on with everything right now. I would say this past week has been one hell of a bumpy ride. I would have to liken it to the race I did last weekend, one minute smooth sailing, the next its mass chaos and potholes everywhere. I am not sad, upset, dissappointed, or even phased by anything that has happened. I have came to realize everyone is different and has to do for them. Still i worry that someone I care a lot about is being led to think differently because of a "friend". I hope I see the person I knew sometime soon, because it is not right for a friend to judge how you want to live. Now onto the Jeremy riding report........ rain/crap/crap/and more crap. I went out today in a moment of non rain, but sure enough it poured 10 minutes in. Maybe the lord doesnt want cyclists on the roads this weekend. Who knows, i also ripped my brand new rain jacket.....DAMN IT!!! Trying to remove clothing while still moving on a bike is never easy, but i did not think it would rip. Oh well we live and we learn. Now I have the choice of going to this MAC party tonite or not????? What to do what to do? I may pop in and say hi to some old friends or I may go and stay and hang out, but time will tell. I just don't want to be in an awkward situation and if we know jeremy he can make this pretty damn awkward at times. So to thos of you who read this and enjoy it , it is my pleasure to accomodate you. To those of you who read it and hate it, it is also my pleasure to make your life less exciting. HAHA, I am here with my heart on my sleeve, if you want to rip it in half do so, because my heart is very very big.

Wednesday- 3 hours 45 minutes, half TT bike. Very hard ride!
Thursday- OFF
Friday- 2 hours 30 minutes, really bad weather!!!
Saturday- 3 hours, more bad weather but a lil warmer!!!

are your friends really caring or trying to be the commander in your life???

I have came across a conclusion to friends. Are they really caring or are they trying to see if they can control peoples lives??? I have noticed that some people you would consider very good friends are just trying to ruin what you hold very dear. I have also noticed that I may change around certain friends, around Louie, lindsay, Sacks and some others I let my guard down and act crazy. they have seen it all from me. All I guess i am trying to prove is that look into your heart and see if a friend has talked you into something that you may not have wanted to do. This is not a friend, a friend doesn't preach what is right and what is wrong to you, they accept you for you! What you love to do, who you want to be, and how you want to live. I know that deep down something people really do not want to do is sometimes changed by how they think their friends may view it. Oh well, you live and you learn. i am just very happy with the friends I have. I would like to say more, but who wants to read that? Louie, i am gonna miss ya man, call me if ya need anything and u better need a lil Jer bear time in your life once in a while.... I am counting on that my boy!!!!

Damn cold and Rain

So no ride today, boo for that. I guess this means I will have to ride extra long tomorrow, it has been a few weeks since I did an epic ride, but this will be a good day for it. No work, ahh a day off from the Munchie Mart. Other than that me and Sacks are gonna go have a night on the town tonight, which may involve some chaos, haha! Life is really good and I am waiting for next weekend to get back to some racing. Kensington was not good to me last year, but i still finished in the group with some very bad stomach problems. This year will be much better, some tough lil kickers and some gravel in the turnaround....no big deal. Biba and Tavis stopped by work today and I had a blast talking to them. I really miss hanging out with Tavis, he is an awesome dude. Maybe I will see him out and about tonight. Other than that I am gonna watch the finale of that 70's show, which i still maintain the real finale is next week, but we will see. OK, I have better things to do then slave away on this damn blog. Later!!!
J_DUB

Perspective at 30 MPH

Ok, so i have thought about a lot today. I came to a stunning conclusion, stunning to myself that i could think this way. Why the hell should I be depressed about me and Kristi breaking up??? It can only cause me more pain, and I have enough of that in my life right now. I am so happy that i got to meet and be with such an incredible woman. I was bombing away on my Time trail bike and that just dawned on me. I can not be mad or sad about it, it is what she wants and needs and that is what i told her I wanted for her when the whole thing started. Do i wish we were together..... hell yes. Do I wish I could have been a better boyfriend....hell yes. I trusted someone with all my heart finally and the outcome was not great but I am still walking and talking. So what can I do next time, not be over bearing and feel like I am the only person who matters, because i know I am like that at times. Its a work in progress. I just realize that you can not always look back on a break up as the most horrible thing that has ever happened. I will still laugh, I will still cry, i will still enjoy my life. I just want everyone to realize that for the first time I am not bitter about this. "If you love something let it go." Maybe I was trying to be Mr. Perfect and we all know I am not perfect, i just want to feel whole again and I am on my way. I will not lie, there is a big chunk of me missing, but I will look for that piece of me somewhere along the road! Now I must go get out in the rain and get sloppy on my bike. Whats not to love about life when you meet incredible people??? I am optimistic about my future, maybe I can be somebody?? Who knows!

zombie

So I did not sleep a wink last night. I could not even close my eyes, and I am hurting. I honestly sat there just thinking....... it is really hard to realize that I am not the person I can be. I have changed a lot in the past few months and I have changed for the better. i have become a better person and better friend. At least I was happy for a while. This is the reason I do not get into relationships often, I have never been the one to hurt someone else, but that is fine by me. I would rather suffer and try to justify things rather than hurting someone else. I know I try to hard to be the perfect guy, but I will never be perfect and everyone should know that. I have some serious issues that I need to work out on who I am. I do drive people away by trying to be around them too much, but that has only happened twice now, but this one hurts so much more because it was worth it. I am not bitter or remorseful about the situation, just trying to figure out why i continue to try to be everything to one person. If I had to go back and change it I wouldn't....I just did not stick to my word that I gave her and I wanted her around too much. It says a lot for her that I could feel this way about it. It was wonderful, and yes I cried like a baby last night, I don't care crying does not mean you are weak, it just means that you cared. I know she cares too, but it is just hard to accept because she did not cry, but maybe she is at peace. All I can do is accept it and move on, but this will be very hard. If I am not my normal self for a while please understand this as I have so much bad happening in my life right now. From here on out all i can concentrate on is cycling and being with my friends. I have to say thanks to kate for helping me out last night, also thanks to Louie and Lindsay, you guys are like family to me and I am sorry but I may be around a lot pretty soon. I just really need a reason to feel alive again. To tell you the truth this was the best of things, i would rather have someone not lie to me and pretend then go on and be miserable with me, so i have that going for me I guess. Really I do not have much going right, this is the time where I need to live through the lord to get me through this. I am torn apart inside and hope things turn around.

You learn a lot

OK, I know this is my 3rd blog today, but I have got a lot on my mind. I was thinking that if Kristi is happy with herself that is all I could ask. I still think the world of her and i want her in my life. I know it will make things really hard for me, but the way she makes me feel can not be replaced by anyone I have met in life. Maybe I have not met many people, but I feel like she is one of the most gifted people that the lord put on this Earth. There may only be a few more blogs containing her name in them, but that does not mean i have lost sight of her or how she makes me feel. I had friends there to help with the situation, but if I never talk to her in person again I will always remember her last words, " Jeremy you really are a great guy". I hope someday i see her or receive a call from her saying she would like to try things again. I know that my insecurities with myself take a lot out of people. I just do not think I am anything special, but thats what god loves....the ordinary. I have a really tough time accepting the fact that someone can be happy with me, maybe someday i will learn, but it will take some work. OK God Bless everyone.

I did it to myself

I am just going to say I do not know if I will ever be good enough for anyone. Kristi just broke up with me and I am upset. I can not hide the fact that she meant and will mean a lot to me for a long time. maybe down the road we could possibly get back together, but most likely not, I would love to be with her, but she needs to figure her life out as I do also. I may not be the right person for her. I can not change that. She is a great girl and will make somebody very happy someday, I just wish it could have been me. I am not going to go further into this as it will send me into a very deep depression, so good day to all. On a last note....... Kristi I will always hold you above many others and I hope I was a gentleman to you and never did anything to make you feel that I am a bad guy. Thats all I have!

A chance encounter

So today was the same as always but with a little spice... The so called person I wrote mt last post about showed up to work trying to explain his way out of the situation. I was not a happy person about him being in the store, I will not lie. I have felt like he has been a thorn in the side of me for a while now, I do not hate the guy I just believe he is very boisterous! Just do not run your mouth about any of my teammates and we will be fine, and do not run your mouth about me or those I hold very dear to my heart! I put these thoughts up here to read and if you would like to leave a comment do so. I am not embarrased about anything I write on here. I just do not appreciate snark comments that were made about this blog and how I was portrayed. So I am very happy with kristi and I enjoy cycling and many things in life...it is just me. My day otherwise was eventful. I have to now do all the work at the Munchie Mart so I had to price and stock $6000 worth of goods right when I arrived. That did not add to my dismay from waking up late and not getting a morning ride in. I got a good one in though right after work and it felt good to hammer around solo for 2 hours. I will now start putting up my hourly totals for those of you to see how dedicated I am to the sport. I have also came to the conclusion that no matter how much you worry about someone it does you no good in the end. My dad sounded good today and I miss him, so I will have to make a trip over to Algonac sometime soon to spend a weekend with him and mom and even some kayaking with the old man. Other than that I am going to Toledo this weekend to watch Kristi run. I got an email from one of the Saturn/ Shell Toledo cyclists. So I will have to attend the group ride on Saturday and see what that is all about. the weird thing is in his message he sent he asked if i was the really strong guy who rode for Ada. I guess that is me??? I also read a great article today in SI about Michael Young of the Texas Rangers. Here is a quote that I think I live by. "you can not listen to the people who tell you that you are good or great. Soon enough you will be taking days off and not working as hard as you did. Then you will find yourself talking in the third person about yourself. A true grinder finds ways to always look for the slightest improvements." Thats what I would like people to say about me, even if they say I am not that good at cycling they can say that I am a grinder and I work very hard for what I get. Later All! By the way i am not hiding behind my computer, it is all here, so do not try to bring that into the equation to make yourself feel like you are right JD!!!

Monday- 2 hours semi easy with Louie. Rode in the country for a bit then hammered home down Oakland. Louie looked pretty strong today!
Tuesday- 2 hours solo. Some sprints and a good solid ride to sharpen up the legs. Worked on climbing out of the saddle. Tomorrow should be a big mileage day although I will have to break it up into 2 rides!!!

Today was definitely better

So today was and improvement upon yesterdays tragic twist of events. I slept like a log last night and went into work from 10-6. I did a lot at work today by rearranging some shelving and cleaning half the store. I also got to chill for a bit from 4-6, due to Tome Berry leaving a little early. I put my feet up and relaxed a bit! I mean literally, I read the new SI issue of how Lance Armstrong has taken his off the bike battles as seriously as his on the bike battles of the past. I would not say I miss him racing, but I will say there was a lot more concern for cycling while he was in the peloton. Ah...... well athletes must retire at some point. It was just refreshing to read that he is doing big things to fight cancer. After work I went home and changed immediately into my cycling gear and went for a little spin with Louie. It helped and I felt rather good and me and Louie even did a 2 man Time Trial down Oakland for a good 3-4 miles, it is just sad that he has so much talent and ability and I see it going to waste somewhat. He is my best friend, I don't know where I rank on his pals list, but thats not necessary to know. I just know that he should be in the 1-2 field with me and not trying to get in shape right now. I do understand his position though, he has found a girl that I not only respect and love as a freind, but someone that he cares deeply about, so I can not really fault him, just a few quick jabs here and there. Other than that everything is awesome, I got some Jeremy time today and it was sort of nice. I mean don't get me wrong, I love kristi and spending time with her is a true pleasure, but everyone needs time to themselves. She had her banquet for the track team tonite and then went over to some basketball players place to watch a movie and I hope she had a great time. I completely understand that nel was in town and they are like two peas in a pod, so they should have fun. She has not got to see Danielle a lot lately so it will be refreshing for her. I am just kinda dissappointed in myself for always wanting her around, I guess I can't help loving the time I have with her and will not take it for granted, by the way sweetheart you are a true GEM. So on tap for the rest of the week is riding, work, yada yada yada, and maybe some time with kristi before she leaves for the MAC meet. I know she has to pack and has class and work tomorrow and I do not want to be the selfish one, so maybe I will not see her, but if i did I would be tremendously happy. We will see, she is busy and I can not let her ruin everything she has worked so hard for just for me.... I can control that. If she can't spend some time with me that is okay, if she can that is even better. Life is sometimes about sacrifice and understanding, I just hope she knows that at times I may seem dissappointed but it is not in her, it is in myself. Finally I am over yesterdays race fiasco, as Josh put it "shit happens" and you can have good form and just have an off day, hopefully there are not too many off days ahead. I will say that the races coming up are not particularly to my liking or style of riding. I will just go and see what I can do that is all I can ask of myself. One more note. Yes Louie I have recently accepted God into my life, and I will not be sorry or explain why this is. It is not because of anyone or for anyone but myself. God put us here and he can take us at any time, I am thankful I have accepted his faith and will pray daily that those of you who haven't accepted him will find closure at some point in life. So to sum all of this blabbering up.... I am very happy and content at the moment. Things are going great for me, other then my ticket everything else is awesome. So look upon today as a lesson in life, you can not relive it or redo the days you have lived, one can just hope that they learn and grow from experiences they have encountered. That all came from my mind, wow that was deep Jeremy. Later!!!

Had a bad day!!!

Bad day all around... I raced like crap, just did not feel any good sensations at all during the race. I also locked my keys in my car and had a big hassle getting them out with my AAA insurance and the tow truck driver. Then to boot I got a ticket for speeding on the way home. So it was not a good day to say the least, but I am alive and still breathing, and I heard a song that put me more towards serenity, "troubles will come and they will pass". I think its Lynyrd Skynrd that sings it. It just made me realize that gods plan for me today was not to have a good day. All i can do is relax and know the lord will take me in the right path. And to those of you who think my blog is "humorous" or "comical", I am sorry for you. It is not my fault that I love cycling and may be better than most at it, nor is it my fault that I have found a tremendously loving and caring girlfriend. I will always go to bat for her before I do you, I do not have to name names, but you know who you are. This is here for FRIENDS to read and you are not one of my friends, as a matter of fact I don't even like you, so stop reading this and find something better to do with your life. I am not nor will not be embarrassed for letting people know that i truly love Kristi and am not ashamed one bit of what we have. maybe if everyone had something as special as she is to me they would understand, but throughout life there will always be the critics and naysayers, bring them on. I do not hide from my confrontations, I know I rode like crap today and I can accept that, not everyone is Lance Armstrong.... And before you bash those who are levels above you in the sport or in life look at what you have accomplished first. Then realize that by you scrutinizing them it is just making you look like the jackass!!! I love cycling immensely still and I love my girlfriend as well. I do not care if you know this, it is me.....the TRUE me. I may be sappy and I may be corny, but I only care what a handful of people think. I would also like to wish my very good friend Josh Tarrant the best of luck at Nationals this coming weekend. You deserve the best my man, and I hope that bottle of Gatorade I gave you today helped a bit, even though it was way too strong. OK, I am done venting and look forward to tonight and tomorrow. Can any of us by worrying add time to our lives??? The answer is no, so be happy to be alive and living god's quest! Later!!!
J_DUB

Great to feel alive again!!!

Today has been great.... I got a huge spark back and I feel very good about life in general. I woke up late for me today at 9:30ish and went to the bike shop to get some tires for tomorrows race. Yes you need different tires for this race as it is 70 miles and 2.5-3 miles of gravel roads per lap. This will truly be for the strongest guys and I am up for the challenge. I also got a nap in and a decent ride, pretty easy, but I feel very good and ready for tomorrow. This week I also paid off a credit card which feels awesome, 2 to go and I will be debt free...except for student loans but that was a necessary debt. Now I am just getting set to shave the legs and put these tires on and then my day is complete..... I may get to hang out with Kristi which would be much appreciated by me. She had a meet today at U of M and she ran the 800 and 4x400, her 800 did not go as she planned, but there are bigger fish to fry next weekend. Her 4x400 went very well as she ran a 56.9 split which is awesome. The problem is if she ever ran away from me I could not catch her, haha... OK well the Giro also started today and Il Falco came up huge beating all the TT specialists and being the only man to break 8 minutes. That is a tremendous ride and he is my GC favorite. Him Basso and Cunego could win it, but those are my top three in no particular order... OK I have to get this stuff done. Through god everything is possible!!!

Everything changes

It is weird how I can be so depressed about things and then one day can make me so happy. Today was ok, work went by fast and I was super busy for the entire time for once. I repriced all the liquor in the store, whew what a task! Then I got out and went out to dinner with Kristi and a movie also. For the first time in a few days I was truly happy. Just getting everything off my mind and talking to her was the biggest relief. I realized in the last few days to take things for what they are. Just because i can't be with her all the time doesn't make her any less important to me. I have been around her a lot since we met each other and I love it, but I do not want it to always have to be this way. We have to have our lives and thinking about my dad made me realize this. You can not live for someone else, you can only be there and be supportive when it works for both of you. So I told Kristi that even though things have been hectic all the time that I think we both need our personal time and i really meant it. I do not want her to look at me and say she is bored with me, i want her to look at me and say I love every minute I spend with him. That is how it should be. So I am just going to kick back and when she wants me around that is great and when she wants to do other things that is great also. i mean i love her and want her to be happy with herself and me, so it is not too much to ask. OK, best of luck tomorrow Kristi, i know you will be rocking it out for WMU and maybe even me!!! Good Day.....but Jeremy....I said good day!!!
J_DUB

I cant really tell

So today was like most days, work and ride. But the ride went very well with no pains from yesterday at all. I guess i recover very well now. That is the name of the game....recovery. Nothing much else to tell though. Work was very boring and I am looking for other things to pursue. I got to see the radiant Mrs. Powers and it made my night, even when all we do is talk she seems to make me smile. So all in all I am happy, but I have some inner thoughts to mull over and see what is bringing me down. I just have felt lacadazical the last few days. Maybe it was my effort on the Wednesday night ride, maybe it is other things, but until i figure it out I can't really tell you what it is. I am very happy and content, just a little sluggish...maybe i just need to completely rest on Saturday and i will feel better. I can not wait for Cone Azalia this weekend. It would be phenomenal if Kristi could come watch but she has work and other stuff so I understand that. I really love her, but we need to lead our lives too. Through god the impossible is possible, a good friend made me realize that tonight!

How many licks does it really take???

I look sexy, and by sexy I mean very sloth like.....don't ya think???
Why can't I have a aero helmet, because I refuse to look like Rick Moranis in Spaceballs!!!

A tootsie pop takes more than 3 licks you stupid talking owl. Here are some more pics from the Willow Park Time Trial. A huge thanks to Steve for posting them, i haven't me him but sources point to him being a very nice guy!!!

Wednesday night ride?? More like Wednesday night Massacre

So tonight was the good ole Wednesday night ride. But first off Kristi came back from home and i got to see her. I am happy and content with everything about her and I am not just saying that to make anyone happy. Then I went home and got my Ksyrium wheels ready for the ride, and I did not know how hard it would be, but I would soon realize just how difficult it is at the top. So i got out at 4 PM and rode easy for 2 hours before the ride. Then the ride started and Josh, Jeff, Jay and I were on the front driving the pace for the first few sprints, it really blows when 2 guys sit up in front of you when u want to contest a sprint, arghh. but the best and worst was yet to come. At the third sprint Jeff drove it hard and Josh and I went for the sprint.... We had a gap at the sprint point so i looked at Josh and told him we should keep drilling it, all he did was look at me and it was on. Soon after Jeff bridged up to us and it was full on from there, we did very good work together, but i was hurting and can not pull like those two, but I did my best. When we went there was still about 25 miles of solid hard riding, the hardest part of the ride too with the climbs coming up. I did all I could to stay with them on the climbs and suffered more than i ever have. With about 7 miles to go jeff cramped up and we decided together to spin in, we had such a big lead it did not even matter. We came up the last climb and i couldnt even pedal anynmore, but Josh and Jeff waited and they looked at me and the hit me with a bombshell. "You are one of the big boys now so you can take this" and with that they let me "win" the ride. Those guys are great and I consider both of them very close friends. you don't find friends like these guys and i am very happy i have. I almost passed out and thats when I became delerious, cold, and started to shiver and bonk. Then i got home and called kristi right away and I dont remember what i said at all. All i know is that it was selfish and uncalled for. She has given me everything to look forward too and I just crapped on it. At least i feel like I did, and it is not a good feeling. She made me feel better and i can say that without a doubt I love her more than ever. So now i am just waiting for her to get back from the movie so i can sleep with her tonite. I am stupid and inconsiderate and i apologize for that. Ok, now I have to try to recover, big race this weekend. It is gonna be easy for the rest of the week. I am off to take an ice bath!!! Kristi I am sorry for being unhappy with who i am, but you make me happier than anything in the world!!! Later!
J_DUB

on the up and very up!!

There I am on my Time Trial Bike at Willow Park. I look thin, but not thin enough!!!
So today started off great again, why you may ask??? I woke up next to Kristi again!! I am so happy with her, she does not have any rivals in my world. Then i had to work from 8:45-6 which was better than yesterday. Kristi stopped by and she made my day perfect, her and her sexy legs, mmmmm. Then I got home and read a message from her and that has changed how I fell, I always have doubted myself with girls, but she is truly perfect for me. I went for a ride with Louie and it was awesome we laughed like we always do and it got my mind off of work. Then I got home and now I am blogging. I found a sweet pic at Willow Park of me and it is on top of this post. Only 1 though, damn. I haven't ate that much because i want to be totally commited to this sport and be as lean as I possibly can. So now i am going to relax and rest, tomorrow is going to be hard at the Wednesday night ride. So here is to Kristi and how happy she makes me, i love you very much!!! Later!
J_DUB

Hit that curveball!!!

So today I woke up with the greatest girl ever next to me. I look at her and all I see is happiness, for me at least. I took her home and had to go to work. I get there early and The owner Tom Berry is there, and I think nothing of it, so after 5 minutes I ask him where my boss Mic is????? He then lays a bomb down, Mic was laid off......wtf???? i wanted to leave right there, but I need a job. Needless to say my day was miserable at work and to top it off i forgot my telephone. So I had no contact with the outer world at all. I got home an immediately called Mic and we had a good conversation. He does not seem too mad, he got out of that place, all I can hope is the best for him, because he was the greatest of bosses and an even better friend. I look up to him like he is my older brother and I hope he knows he is well respected there, at least with those of us who worked for him. Then I went out an rode way to hard on the TT bike for 2 hours and I am very sore. I did not feel the pain though while riding. I guess I learned a valuable lesson today and this is the reason I do not trust people, if a "friend" could do thsi to Mic, then anything is game in this world. Then i got to thinking, my life is not bad at all, i have a job still, I have my family, my health, and on top of that I have the most amazingly wonderful girlfriend who understands me to a tee. I never thought I would think about looking towards the future with someone, but I do with her. Maybe I am just so hard on myself that i do not believe I deserve her. I do not know what she sees in me or why she thinks of me the way she does, but everyday I thank the lord for her being with me, because let's face it, after everything is said and done there is one person in life who you would rather be around in any circumstance, and in all honesty she may be the one that i want around. Ok, I better go and stop thinking about situations I can not control. i know he will never read this, but if he does Mic you are the greatest of friends, I just hope everything works out the best it possibly could for you. I will miss being around him nearly everyday. Now the big question for me is where do i want to work now????? Dissappointed!!!
J_DUB