Ain't No Thang!!!

Ah a day off from work. A lot of happenings today and I really accomplished nothing at all! First i slept until 9:30 AM, then went and looked at the house I am going to live in next year with a few fellas. Then came back home and napped a bit, then received a call that our checks were at work so i went and cashed that, and at this point I got to talk to Superwoman herself, Kristi you are a gem!!!! Then went to the bank and the bike shop! Now i may have become a real cyclist today! Brace yourself, I bought chamois creme. For those of you who may not know, chamois creme protects the special areas that are used to sit on a very narrow bike seat. I realized last week that I had a saddle sore, upon further inspection it was actually a cut, which scared me quite a bit. So I could not wait to get home and see what this creme was all about. I also bought some Clif Bars, energy gel, and some start oil, to make my legs look shiny and buff!!! Then i went home and went on the pre-race ride. Let me tell you chamois creme is fantastic, its a bit chilly when u first put the bibs on, but on the ride, it was amazing. No saddle pain at all, I wonder what it would feel like on a 7 hour ride??? I will report back on that next Wednesday!! After the ride I came home and surfed the web, nothing new, all the same cycling crap! Then i decided another ride was in order so i hopped back on ole Canny and went out for another hour, so I got in 2:45 on the bike today. There is a race tomorrow, but I love nice weather and riding my bike!! Then i came home and shaved the legs and the face and showered and took another nap. Ah, I needed these naps bad!! Then Nicky, one of the best buds a friend could ask for, IMed me and said tacos at her place and since when can i pass up food? So I went and hung out with some old pals and ate, on the way home I got a frozen white mocha, and demolished it in about 5 minutes. It has been a good day to say the least, but it would be a great day to see the one person I miss and care about more than anything alse in the world right now. Kristi Powers is her name, and she is still in Pennsylvania at the Penn Relays. I can't blame her, spend time at the biggest track meet in the world or be around me, haha, I don't think she really has a choice though. I just hope she is having a blast and seeing some of the sites around Philly! I really hope this can grow into something that makes a difference in both of our lives, I know she is already the greatest woman I have ever met in my lifetime, there are not many people that i can give my full trust to but she has it. The best part about me trusting her is that I have no jealousy about anything she does, she is the greatest woman I could have ever asked for!!! I love you Kristi and will see you Sunday, YAY!!!!!Later!

Ain't No Thang!!!

Ah a day off from work. A lot of happenings today and I really accomplished nothing at all! First i slept until 9:30 AM, then went and looked at the house I am going to live in next year with a few fellas. Then came back home and napped a bit, then received a call that our checks were at work so i went and cashed that, and at this point I got to talk to Superwoman herself, Kristi you are a gem!!!! Then went to the bank and the bike shop! Now i may have become a real cyclist today! Brace yourself, I bought chamois creme. For those of you who may not know, chamois creme protects the special areas that are used to sit on a very narrow bike seat. I realized last week that I had a saddle sore, upon further inspection it was actually a cut, which scared me quite a bit. So I could not wait to get home and see what this creme was all about. I also bought some Clif Bars, energy gel, and some start oil, to make my legs look shiny and buff!!! Then i went home and went on the pre-race ride. Let me tell you chamois creme is fantastic, its a bit chilly when u first put the bibs on, but on the ride, it was amazing. No saddle pain at all, I wonder what it would feel like on a 7 hour ride??? I will report back on that next Wednesday!! After the ride I came home and surfed the web, nothing new, all the same cycling crap! Then i decided another ride was in order so i hopped back on ole Canny and went out for another hour, so I got in 2:45 on the bike today. There is a race tomorrow, but I love nice weather and riding my bike!! Then i came home and shaved the legs and the face and showered and took another nap. Ah, I needed these naps bad!! Then Nicky, one of the best buds a friend could ask for, IMed me and said tacos at her place and since when can i pass up food? So I went and hung out with some old pals and ate, on the way home I got a frozen white mocha, and demolished it in about 5 minutes. It has been a good day to say the least, but it would be a great day to see the one person I miss and care about more than anything alse in the world right now. Kristi Powers is her name, and she is still in Pennsylvania at the Penn Relays. I can't blame her, spend time at the biggest track meet in the world or be around me, haha, I don't think she really has a choice though. I just hope she is having a blast and seeing some of the sites around Philly! I really hope this can grow into something that makes a difference in both of our lives, I know she is already the greatest woman I have ever met in my lifetime, there are not many people that i can give my full trust to but she has it. The best part about me trusting her is that I have no jealousy about anything she does, she is the greatest woman I could have ever asked for!!! I love you Kristi and will see you Sunday, YAY!!!!!Later!

POWERS MANIA!!!!!

WOW, Kristi is a GODDESS!! She ran a 3:32 in the 1200 for her split, what a champ! The other girls ran great and they broke the school record by 8 seconds, woo hoo shoes were worn today i guess!!! Nice job on that 4:57 too Jill, and 2:14 for Valanty, great job all around. So hearing of this news I got out and rode like a killa!! I swear when I hear her voice and that she did well every pain and all my worries go away, i need to keep her happy I guess. I think i am, but I always doubt myself. OK, I am out, nice job again ladies, and especially you sweetheart!!!!!!!!! Later!
J_DUB

its been a few!!!

Sorry avid blog readers I have not had the chance to blog in a few days. With finals this week my signal from the coffe shop has been crap, but it seems to be back now. Heres whats been going on. A lot of work, very little cycling, and some quality time with the most wonderful woman ever. I actually only care to talk about her, because I have had a rough patch on the bike this week....just no motivation. So Kristi is in Philidelphia at the PENN RELAYS!!!! Biggest track meet in the world! She is running the DMR and the 4x800, she will run great i know that for a fact. A lot has changed with her this past week, i realize there are other things in life then cycling, but I know and she knows that it is my passion. Honestly that is my only outlet to let off steam from work. I do not want to bore her with the mundane details of the Munchie Mart! Anyways I am finding it quite boring here without her around. The last few days I have helped her move twice and we spent a lot of time together, which only makes her being gone even harder. I hope she misses me as much as I miss her, but that may be doubtful, haha! Ok, I actually don't even want to blog anymore tonight, I am very tired and wanna take a nap. Kristi I miss you very very much and await a call on the DMR result. later!

Woo Hoo Shoes????

OK, so I guess I am delirious when I wake up because I definitely told Kristi about woo hoo shoes. I guess it is when one has sweet kicks like mine.... all you can do when you put them on is say woo hoo! Got in a ride in the morning and afternoon yesterday, but right now it is raining. Why everytime I have the chance to ride it is raining. Oh well, I am not going out to be cold and wet along with miserable. I think I may be getting a sore throat from yesterdays morning ride. I really did not see kristi that much yesterday, but she has finals so I have to back away and let her do her thing. She is done today and I hope she can stay over tonight, but she does have to get up and leave for Penn Relays tomorrow morning at 6:45 AM, ewww! I may be a little lost with her gone all week, but I will be so happy to see her on Sunday! She is running the 4x800 and the DMR and i know she will do great. She looks like she is coming into a good patch of racing and she is so strong right now. Kristi just race smart and the results will take care of themselves. OK, I better go fold the laundry and get to work. Later! I also added a few pics from the Ann Arbor race this past weekend, hope you enjoy them!

Phantom

There I am... where i belong. Solo off the front late in the AAVC STS #3 race. 10th place on the day!
Last night after the race in Ann Arbor I got to go out to dinner with Kristi and some of the WMU running ladies and all of their significant others. Sacks was there so that made it interesting, haha. Anyways we ate a Lodo's and I got a porterhouse steak and Kristi got some Prime Rib. I ended up demolishing my food and ate about half of Kristi's too. Sorry Kristi, I guess I am a fatty! Then we went to see the Phantom of the Opera. It started out a bit slow, but I understood what was going on and I loved it. It was an amazing performance. Kristi is the only girl I have ever taken to something like this. She deserves all that is good in life and I want to give it to her. I was thinking yesterday after my race and I realized seeing how confident she is really transfers over to me as well. I have never been this confident about my athletic endeavors. Just knowing that we both have something that means so much to both of us makes it so easy to go out and race, at least for me. I raced like I should, not afraid of anyone in the field, although there were some good guys there. Finally I also won another competition from midwest cycling group. I won the Tour of Georgia challenge. Another set of free tubes, YAY! I also had Kristi stay the night last night, and she is simply astonishing to me. Just looking at her makes everything dissappear. OK, I better try to go ride, but its cold out. BOO for the cold! Later!
J_DUB

Race #10 for the year!

I just got back from the AAVC STS #3 race. I felt ok, not great. I did attack a few times early but nothing stuck, then with about 15 laps to go out of the 45 total a group of about 15 got away with every team represented. As I was the only Ada rider I figured ah hell this one os over. With 8 to go i started to feel better and moved up, then 6 to go I figured I will give it one last ditch effort. i had Rob Iser ( last year's Cat. 3 overall MI points champion) for company in the break, but there were still 9 guys up the road. After a lap of pulling hard i look back and I had dropped Rob and I could see two guys coming back from the break fast. i still had a good gap, so I guess that was when I thought now or never. i punched it hard to make it up to an essex brass rider, then I pulled for 2 laps without him doing a turn, which got me even more fired up. With 3 to go i looked back and we still had 15 seconds, so I put my head down and drilled it. We ended up catching a Ford rider and they both proceeded to sit on me. I continues to drive it as hard as I could remembering all the time I have dedicated to this sport. Needless to say they both came around me in the sprint, but 10th place was not bad. I even had time to sit up and enjoy it as the field was still 10 seconds back. Finally i am racing smart. I will say i felt like crap in the middle of the race, but oh how that changes quickly. After the race I had a couple of regulars on the Michigan scene come up to me and congratualte me on my effort. I am not tired and hearing guys say thing like, "You are an ironman" are always welcome. I gave the essex brass rider an earful at the end, but thats bike racing. I am happy, but last night made me even happier. i got to spend the whole night with Kristi. We went to dinner with some of her friends and then she studuied while I got my bike race ready. Then she stayed the night. i do not sleep better than when she is right next to me. I can say i love her and I do not care who knows it! Kristi I love you with all my heart. there it is out there and I am completely fine with it. The one sad note is that I found out I am scheduled to work 2- close on Tuesday so i may not get to see Kristi before she leaves for Penn. DAMN IT ALL!!! My boss did just call and said we could get something worked out though, I hope we can. Later!

Busy as a well I dont know, but I am super busy!

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours, dad is good! Also Kristi aka "the greatest of all time" led wire to wire to win her 1500 today, and nearly got into the 4:30's. I believe 4:40.10, damn, her dad was there for her today too, so that was awesome. The boys did well in Illinois, Josh got 7th and won 3 primes. Way to go champ! Worked really early and rode with Louie at 11 AM! It was a nice day all around. I also found out I need a new chain on my bike, which i have, but have been too busy to make it to the bike shop. Ok, now if you are racing tomorrow be prepared to suffer. I am going to annihilate myself to try to go solo and just attack as hard and as much as I can, if i get dropped so be it, I just want to suffer and make others suffer. I am treating this race as a test of fitness nothing more, and how many times i can attack! So I better get to sleep and I am so ready to roll!! Bonus..... Kristi si sleeping over tonight! Muy Bien! (very good) in espanol! I will post more about my weekend when I get a chance. Later!

I feel like its a video game!!!

Panic at the Disco, now they are a good band and I feel like Mario when i listen to their music, haha. Mario from the Super Mario Brothers that is. So I did the usual yesterday, but things are different. When you put yourself out there you never know how someone will respond. Moving on though, I helped Kristi move her things into her storage area at her new place and hung out with her for a bit, rode my Time Trail bike (twice), worked, and got paid. Good day all around. Probably the best day yet, ah screw it. i definitely put myself ona limb last night by saying the "L" word, but to my astonishment she said it back. I did not expect that, but it was more than welcome. Grinning from ear to ear like the Grinch when he "stole Christmas". Maybe not the best comparison there, lol. Ok, today i have to work at 8 AM, because everyone else at work is so damn lazy that Mic does not trust them to come in that early. While I am there I am going to change cassettes on my Zipp's. I race tomorrow and I am going to just try to make everyone hurt, the result does not bother me, I know I am on good form right now, and I just wanna see everyones pain face. So if I have to attack 10 times or 20 times and drop myself to make everyone hurt, then that is what i will do. Finally, I miss my WMU teammates, I wish i was going into battle with them this weekend. Oh well that is all cleared up and I know they will be OK, how good of a teammate can I be anyway????? Later!
J_DUB

Ah rest!!!!

Ok, so I had yesterday off from the bike. Tremendous really, it would have been better if I did not work all day, but I can't be lazy.... it's just not in me. I got to spend the entire evening with Kristi as well. She told me her paper was not due till Monday so we watched "The Chronicles of Narnia". Which for a "kids" movie was awesome. I enjoyed it thoroughly, two wheelies up from this guy! Then we went back to her place and went to bed. OK, now I have to be honest, I do not always ( or ever) sleep well with someone else in a bed with me, but last night was perfect. I slept like a baby, and I never have "cuddled" anyone until now. I woke up at one point to realize I was spooning Kristi and I probably had been for quite a while. I think she fits perfectly in my arms, but she may dispute that. So she is still as wonderful as ever and she also got to meet Erin last night. Erin had been on my case to meet her because she has heard a lot about her. So you got to meet her Erin and you are probably sad because you realize you are not better looking than Kristi, not even close!!! HAHA!! Ok, now I must go ride, work for 6 hours and then ride a bit more, then help Kristi move out of the dorms and then get some sleep. Gotta love it, and its PAY DAY!!! Smiles all around! Later!

My Everest!

So i worked a full day today without leaving early, and I am not going to ride at all today!!! WOO HOO! I decided since I rarely take days off that today is the best day to do it as I got 7 hours on the bike yesterday. There was a point about 6 hours in where i started seeing things, so I decided it was about time to get home and relax. I do not burn easily, but 7 hours in the saddle will torch anyone good, but looking at it now it is already turning a shade of brown. Another bonus last night was that I got to see kristi again. I can not say enough about her, she is truly wonderful at everything, especially making me happy. Not much else to report, I had some things I wanted to blog about yesterday, but I want to rest instead, I want to spend some time doing nothing and relaxing on my futon with some SCRUBS!!! The TV show, not my friends, haha! Bye the way it is a little late, but thanks for the taco dip the other day Lindsay, mmmmmm tasty!!!

Choices in life

We make choices in life based upon what is most important to us. I have found that everyone can not be satisfied with the shoices you will make, but all you can do is hope they realize it is what you want that matters, not what they think you should want. I know I let some of the guys down yesterday and it has been eating away at me. I know some of them can not understand my motivation for the things I do, but I will say this..... I have never been more committed to becoming a better son, a better cyclist, a better friend, a better boyfriend, but most importantly a better man. Guys you know I am always here, and I just hope you all do not resent the fact that I chose to not partake in this weekends events.
So today is my wonderful day away from the Munchie Mart, AHHHH!!! I am planning on riding very very long maybe even 6-7 hours. I have nothing else to do and want to just ride my bike. I also got to see Kristi last night, but when i arrived to surprise her she was having girl time and I genuinely felt bad for interrupting that. I am sorry for doing that, sorry Danielle, Jill, and Kristi. Those girls are great friends of Kristi's and she was very happy to be hanging around with them. Well we went to get some "coffee", but only coffee works was open and they are no Starbucks! So after a big debacle with Kristi's hot chocolate i had to go to work. Just seeing the look on her face made me dissappointed that I had to leave her hanging, sad day. Hopefully she is having a great day, and how can you not when it is so nice outside. So speaking of that i better get out and ride forever. My tan is progressing nicely so i might as well go get some more sun! I am going to be so dark very soon. Everyone will have to start calling me brownie, haha! Ok, best of luck to you this weekend guys and best of luck on your test/ practical today Kristi. I love life, but do not know where I stand with some of those I consider the best of friends right now. Hopefully i can sit and talk with them and justify my reasons on a more personal level. Later!
J_DUB

This girl is a diamond!

Who is this amazingly good looking
woman you may ask?? It's Kristi watching me race
Today was painful, I am so tired and I really have to stop leaving work early. I do it so I can ride, but it costs me a lot of sleep. Some day i will realize it. I finally told the guys i will not be racing for WMU anymore, at least not this season. i had a great time with them always and I hope they do not look at me as a deceiver, I just have some things to take care of. They all know how much I care about the people in my life and they all have seen a change since I met Kristi, so I think they understand! Onto my ride..... I have a thing that we call tunnel vision, but for once I looked up today and saw a goddess driving a Subaru, and I see it was Kristi, that helped me get through my last interval on the TT bike much easier, thanks for the strength cutie. I did 3 hours and some change on the bicycle and on my way home I thought lets get a MT. Dew for old times sake. Well Mr. Dew that was the last one for a good long while, I am going cold turkey on Soda and candy for a bit. I already ate all the candy Kristi got me for Easter, mmmmm Reese's Big Cups. And a majority of what her parents got me too. So I am a fatty, haha! Ok, here os a moment of honesty, I can not stop thinking about you Kristi, I see a runner and she pops in and says hi, I see a girl with blonde hair and in my mind its Kristi. Am I sick in the head??? Possibly, but it is Kristi and she is well worth the sickness, haha! OK, i have got a lot to do and a short time to do it in. I also have to work some more tonite! WMU cyclists, you guys brought me into this sport and showed me the ropes, i can not help it that I got good pretty quick, but I still think of all of you as equals, I will miss the trip this weekend and miss suffering with great friends, but lets face it we have all summer to suffer in the peloton together. I love cycling and the relationship I have with men through it, when we are not racing we are friends, but once the race starts there are teammates and guys who you race against. Most of you will not understand this, but with cycling comes friendships that can not be replaced. Good thing Kristi rides bikes, haha. OK, I have to go now and hopefully i get to spend time with you tonite. Later!

Lindsay says that I am "smitten"

Ok, so big happeneings yesterday, and it doesn't even center around the bike. Although I did have the worst possible ride ever yesterday. No desire, no juice in the legs, just nothing there. I have not felt that bad on the bike since I can last remember, usually I am a brick house and can roll most any time I want to, so maybe it was good to just go putter around for a bit. So the big news is this, I have a girlfriend, sorry to dissappoint ladies.....and Louie, I am off the market. Not only am I off the market, but I think I have found the greatest girl to ever be in my life. I know she will read this and that is not why I am writing that she is the greatest. Everyone who knows me says I have changed a lot since i met her, they say I have become just an all around nicer person to be around and more caring. I guess when you can care more about someone than yourself it reflects on day to day life. I will admit, Kristi has been a very very welcomed change to my life. I do things for her that I have never done for anyone else. I also told my mom and dad that I feel she is much better than any girl I have dated in the past. I do not want things to change between us though, just because this is "official" does not change how I will treat her and how much i want to be around her. I could be selfish, because I do want her around all the time, but we both have lives to live. I have let myself get to caught up in the past with things that really did not matter, and I will not let Kristi get caught in the same trap. She has school, running, friends, family and work. Those at the least come before me, because lets face reality, you can not give up on anything just because someone walks into your life. I want her to do the best she can in everything she does, is that so much to ask. So I can be understanding and realize that I may not always be a top priority, but it will make the time we are together much more valuable. The "L" word may have slipped out the other day on the bike ride, and honestly I did not think about what i was saying, it just came out. Maybe this is a good sign and I hope that did not scare her. The difference with Kristi is that I do not care about her past, all of us have skeletons in the closet, but she has told me the truth on where she stands on everything. I really am smitten with her. Kristi, you have not only made me the happiest guy in the world, but all of my friends see it too, so I am not just faking it around you. I do not know where life will take me tomorrow, but things look brighter than ever. I am just so comfortable around her, and I immediately let my guard down. I do not let my guard down to anyone, I keep a lot bottled up inside and do not always leave my true self out there for people to see. Kristi, you have seen everything I am about. I just dream that I can be all she ever imagined a guy could be, and i may dissappoint some people at times, but I do not plan to ever see her shed a tear on my watch. I must now try to realize my full potential in life with Kristi in it, and honestly she makes living a lot easier. I look forward to whatever the future will bring, and if for some reason whe wants something different some day, this will be the first time I will believe I did not waste my time, she is worth more than everything to me. I better get to work now. I definitely did not ride this morning, ended up talking to Kristi until 3:40 AM. God Bless everyone as he has me. Later!
J_DUB

Forgot the pic!

This is what thinking about the greatest woman ever will do to ya. I forgot to post the pic, so here it is!!!

Life does not get much better!

Wow, thats all i can say about Easter Sunday, the best of Easter Sundays yet to be exact. I went to Kristi's parents house to meet her father and her brother. I had already met her mother and she is a sweetheart. Immediately her dad was open to talking with me and he is awesome. We went to easter service at St. Patricks church and all my thoughts were with my Grandma at that point. I miss her so much, but I know she is watching over me as she always did. After church, which was a great service, we went to Charley's Crab for brunch. It was good, but the Powers' family expected better, I could not ask for more as they treated me to a wonderful meal. I guess at one point when all of the men were gone from the table Kristi's mom informed her that her dad really likes me. Her dad was messing with her brother about his new "official" relationship, it was great. I told Jerry, Kristi's brother, the easiest way to get out of it was walk away and get more food. Her little brother is awesome too, so i had to look out for him. After the delicious brunch we went back to their house and hung around for a bit, her mom even gave me an easter bag full of candy with a card, I was floored that she would do this. Everything Kristi stands for reflects through her parents. I have not found a single thing I do not like about her or her family and i probably won't. Later Kristi and I went for a bike ride, and she is a little athlete, she looked comfortable on the bike and I was amazed by how good of a biker she is, no fear in her at all. After our ride, we went back and loaded the car up and spent a little more time at her house and even went for a little walk. It was all amazing. Then we decided it was time to head home, I thanked her parents for everything and I hope they know how much it meant to me, they are truly a great family. I felt at home and that was a HUGE feeling to have. Kristi and i left and drove back, I filled up her gas tank for her, because lets face it.... at this point I owed her. Then we drove to kalamazoo and got some Fazoli's and went back to her dorm. I ended up hanging there for the night and I realized that what i said to her on the ride may be ringing true. I have never been this happy or confident about one person in my life. Kristi you are everything that I could ask for and more, I really look forward to every moment that we have together. Thanks for the Easter gift and the invitation to your home for Easter. All I have to say is you are amazing, even more than amazing, you are perfect. I am so happy right now and nothing can take this feeling away. I know Kristi has a lot of homework to get done, but I may have to sneak her a few goodies to get her through the week, hehe. I just want her to realize I am here for anything, even if it is just someone to yell at, chances are I would probably find that attractive coming from her. OK, I know I am a dork, oh well, she is worth every minute. Finally here is the pic I have been waiting for. The sprint finish to the WMU cycling circuit race, and yes it appears that i am in pain. Until Later..... Peace. I hope everyone has the pleasure of finding someone as good Kristi, I am just glad it is me that has the opportunity to try to make her laugh, smile, and care. Later!
J_DUB

I will take the combo meal please!

Quick post here. i had a great ride out to Galesburg with Louie, but he almost bit it, he was going straight and I thought we were going right, needless to say his handlebars and hand got stuck under my seat. Sorry buddy, but you finally lived your dream of "shoving your break hood up my a$$." haha! I did get a call from kristi on the ride, but she did not want me to get hit while chatting with her. Thanks Kristi, i wish i could have talked longer with you. i did have the pleasure of having my two favorite people with me at the same time, my best pal, and the greatest woman I know. So life is good. Also thanks for attacking me Louie while I was on the phone, I may have to get you back soon. Louie also brought up the point that some cyclists that i ride against have to be a little pissed that i have gotten this good as fast as I did. Thanks for the confidence boost Lou, ur a true pal. Now I just hope Kristi ran like a stallion today, hopefully she ran fast, fingers crossed. Ok gotta go work for 10 hours and get a professional cleaning done to my new shirt, i think i look sexy in it, but who knows i am dillusional at times. Later

All things must come to an end.

Ok, so I must say this, why must my sleep get interupted every time. I was so comfortable then at 702 AM BOOM........BOOM. Some guy is just hammering away at the coffee house directly outside my window. Ah well, I guess i am not allowed to sleep anymore. So last night was awesome, I talked with krsiti on AOL IM and we were talking to each other like we havent been around in months. That is a huge reason for why i care about her, I can ramble on about nothing and she can hopefully do the same back. Miss ya Kristi.
So today I am EXTREMELY busy, I have to go get some Easter clothes for tomorrows service. I have clothes, but want to make a good first impression on her dad, if it was anyone else's parents i would wear what i already have. After that I am going on a ride with Louie, I am riding for 4 hours, i hope he can at least go 2 hours with me. Louie is the type of buddy that you only meet once in a lifetime. We can hammer each other on everything we think is wrong with the other person, but in the end we are laughing about how idiotic we are. I think it is awesome he will be racing on the same team as me this year. I only wish he could have had a better build up leading up to his season, i know it is tough Lou, but you are strong, a few weeks and you will be riding like a moped. He can't ride like a motorbike though....only i can. After the ride, i may watch an episode of SCRUBS, yes Kristi you did get me addicted to that show:). Then i have to work from 4 PM to 2 AM, UGH!!!!!!!! Oh well at least i am busy and will be getting a sweet check for work in 2 weeks. OK, I better get goin, Later!
J_DUB

Would I be out of line if I said I miss you!

Thats a great Incubus song. Today was the best day of the year, with one exception....Kristi is in Tennessee. She ran the 4x1500 today and ran a 4:42, which is great in my book. Then she double backed in the open 1500 and ran 4:50, i know this is not what she wanted, but honestly 2 1500's in one day is very very hard. Great job Kristi, I love hearing about your racing. I hope u do tremendous in the 4x800 tomorrow. I can not wait till u get back too, I miss the hell out of you already. I am coping though......maybe.
OK, now today i rode like a bull, I did 40 K in the first hour, which is hard solo. Then I rode another 2 hours, for 3 total hours today. i think i did about 65 miles. Whew, what a ride. I felt no pain, and it felt like any gear was easy today. I can do this, I can look for great things this year. It is just putting it together when it all matters now. I may not be superman, but I can try to be. OK, now I am gonna sleep and rest up, i have to go get some new clothes for Easter with Kristi and then ride for 4 hours, then work for 10 hours tomorrow. Whew long day ahead. it will all be worth it when i see your face on Sunday morning. I miss you a lot and I hope you are having fun, and you should know that I wanted to tell you how sunny it was here today and make you envious, but you already knew, sad day! Best of Luck Kristi. Later!
J_DUB

The usual stuff again

Today I have to work and may not ride for the first time in a month, and the third day off this year. I know I ride too much, blah, blah, blah. Last night I hung out with the fellas for a bit, but I just have no motivation to go out to bars anymore. maybe this is a good thing. I just did not want to be out last night. I stopped by Lindsays then to visit Lou and Lindz and we had some good laughs at my expense. Got some info about Kristi, she did get into the 1500, even though she did not get into the heat she wanted too, head up Kristi, you will blaze that track today. She is down in Tennessee and she gets wireless so I still get to talk to her, YAY!!! I do not want to call her too much because i told her that i do not want to interupt her focus. She works so hard and I want her to realize her goals without me getting in the way too much. I just want her to be happy, thats all i can ask. if she wants to talk when she is away i am always here, if she does not wanna talk then I understand that. OK, I better get to work, Im off. For old times sake. Eat Glue. thats for you Louie!!!!
J_DUB

The boys are back in town!!!!

Just received a call from Steve Cuttitta and he and Cushman are coming into town. Sucharski is already here, so that means we are going out tonight. I probably will just have an Oberon to celebrate my result last weekend and enjoy the fellas company. Kristi left for Tennessee today and she is running tomorrow and Saturday, i know she will run fast. She is still on the fence about getting into the 1500.
Today i got in a nice 3 hours on the bike split into 2 rides in between working 8 hours. I forgot how crappy it is to work 8 hours straight, i have left early to ride so much the past few months that it is like second nature now. I also just got word that there is a Team Time Trial in September, and not one of those short woman TTT's, it is 50 Kilometers (31 Miles). It should take me, Dave Baar, and Dave Boboltz about 1 hour and 8 minutes at that time of the season, which is about 26-27 MPH average. Not too fast but you are only as strong as your weakest link in TTT's.
Ok now I should give Kristi a call to wish her luck, then its out with the guys. Later!
J_DUB

A Nice Midnight Stroll

Yesterday night a really funnt event occured. Anyways Ill start by telling you about my Wednesday night ride, or lack there of. I flatted for the first time in about 3 months, I look down and a staple is in my rear tire, DAMN!!! Luckily Josh still had my Bontrager rear wheel so i swapped that out and had no motivation to really do the ride after that. So I packed it in and went for a soslo spin. It was beautiful out today except for at 11 AM I got caught in a downpour on my morning ride, ewww. So last night I hung out with Kristi and we watched "An Unfinished Life". It was great and Morgan Freeman is always good in my book, that guy can play any character to a tee. So we were hanging out and i was just thinking how good it is to just be able to sit and relax with the greatest woman alive. It came to about 1230 AM and I figured i should leave so she could sleep for her races this weekend in Tennessee. So I grabbed my stuff and said good luck and good bye, funny thing was i did not have my car there as she drove and she totally forgot that. I did not say a word because i wanted her to get some rest. About a minute after walking out the door I called her to remind her to move her car so she did not get a ticket and no answer. A few minutes into my walk home I called her and all she said is, "where are you at"? I told her I was walking home and we had a good laugh about her forgeting that my car was not there. Needless to say she picked me up about 3/4 of a mile down the road, hahaha. Kristi you are hillarious. I am going to miss you and will be looking forward to the updates, keep me posted. I hope you enjoyed your basket of candy and the bear and card. I know I am a dork, but I love doing things for you so it all works out. With Kristi being gone i have to turn to my bicycle to keep me busy, although i am working 27 hours in the 3 days she is gone so I will be very busy. Supposedly Steve is coming into town tonite, I guess I will have to DD, because i know they will wanna drink, sorry boys no bowls of loudmouth soup for this camper. Ok, I gotta get an early spin in the legs. Have fun in Tennessee Kristi and the best of luck. Chase that 1500 time you want, and I am positive good things will happen! I can not wait to go for a ride with you on Sunday:)!!!!!! Ok I am out riding now. Later!
J_DUB

self doubt

I have realized that I will always doubt myself, my ability, and maybe a lot of people around me. I think it is just that I was treated like shit from people that were close to me all my life that I have never had the confidence to say I can or I know i can. It has always been a grind and me working my ass off to get anything in life. I know i may never be the best at things and that i may never go in the path chosen by others, but I think i have come a long way. I don't know I think i am just in a funk again. The one bright spot in life is that Kristi said she thinks she got into the 1500 at Sea Ray. Hopefully she did and she can run great. Since I am not racing this weekend I will have to live vicariously through her athletic endeavors. If I could hang out with any person in the world for one day it would be her, and I am not just saying that to win any favors, those of you who know her will know why I picked her. Later.
J_DUB

looking to race, but its a holiday weekend

I want to race this weekend. I do not care how long or hard the race is, i just want to race. Last night I rode after work and dropped my phone during the ride. Boom, my phone was in 5 pieces on the road, so I collected the major pieces and went to Louie. He gave me his old nextel without even asking for anything in return. Thanks Lou, you know if you ever need a thing I am here for ya dude. The same goes for you too Lindsay. Then I went and harrassed Kristi and helped her with her Biology online quiz, but I think I got one of her questions wrong, and I am sorry. It's not that I am stupid, but I just can't read, hahah! Ok, it is my day off and most of you on a day off would do nothing right? Well my legs are pestering me for some action, so I may ride 5-6 hours today. i have no idea why i am still riding this long on Wednesday, but it makes me feel like I am doing something with my life other than being a slob. Wednesday night ride is tonight as well. We will see how all that goes. After that i have a evening to hang out with Kristi, YAY! I have a lil present for her before she leaves for Tennessee this weekend. I am kind of mad though, because she did not get into the 1500 at Sea Ray and girls that she can beat at any given time did get into the race. I hope you get in Kristi and if you do i know you will run a great time. It will be weird not having her around for 4 days, but i can look forward to Sunday as i will be heading up with her to see her family for Easter. Why do i deserve such attention, maybe I have done something right in my life to deserve this. Ok, now I must try to find anything resembling a race this weekend. Until then keep ur nose out of the wind until it's time to attack! Later!
J_DUB

Times are a changin

First off this means very much to me. Here is an excerpt from josh's blog. " The best news of the day how well jeremy raced. He performed great and finished what i think would be his hardest race yet. He also finished well the day before in the long road race. I think he is starting to come around." Thanks buddy, i can't wait to see what this summer brings both of us.
Last night was one of the best nights in a long time, maybe ever. Kristi you are so hard to not be around all the time. I think you have some of the best qualities that i am looking for, but most of all I just love seeing you. I hope you are not too tired for your long day, so i may have to leave you alone today!!! Insert unsmiley here. Now its work time, i have to train this new Bozo. I guess that says a lot about my work ethic, i may screw this kid up real good, haha. Well its 940 and I have to be to work in 20 minutes and havent showered yet. Ewww gross. The ride was glorious this morning. Later!
J_DUB

Wonderful.

I just had the best night in a very long time, because I got to spend it with Kristi. I am just happy to be around her period. Thanks Kristi and i hope you can catch up on everything before you leave, sorry if i am a menace to your life. This morning I did not feel like riding. I dunno, i do not feel to super so i will update more later, i just wanted to tell Kristi thanks and she may be the GOAT (Greatest OF All Time).

another day another dollar

Well today was uneventful. I worked, and Kristi came to visit, which was the great highlight of my day. then i got out and went riding with beautiful sunny skies. I ran into Louie and we hammered down Bernhard center and i realized my legs are broken from the weekend of racing. I really gave more this past weekend than I ever have before. I broke through a barrier of pain to see that this is not just a pipe dream, i really can do this if I want to. I want to take this as far as it can go and things are looking really great thus far. So i am now waiting for kristi to call and i can not wait to see her. I also get to spend Easter with her family, which means I will have to meet her father and brother, and I am pumped. Hopefully i show them how much she means to me, and that i am not just there to be another guy in her life. Hopefully i make a good impression. I am not worried, I am just very anxious. Ok I have to go because Josh and i have a nice easy ride planned for 730 AM. You guys are like brothers to me and i will go to bat for you anytime you need me too, i hope you guys would do the same for me. Also, Josh thanks for teaching and guiding me in the right direction, i guess will and sacrifice can make a difference when you have good friends and good teammates behind you all the way. Spot on mates! Later!
J_DUB

A great day can change quickly

So the great day I had has just suddenly changed. I won't get into specifics, but its so hard to not be there right now for Kristi. i know her friends will help her out, but I wish i could just look her in the eyes and tell her what she means to me. She knows without a doubt that I care, but to what extent. She was there for me today and i am indebted to her for a long time, not because she wants me to be, but because I want to be. She could have told me anything for a reason why she did not call sooner and I would be none the wiser, but she came out and told me the truth and that is more than I could ask. It is hard to deal with at the present time because I know she is hurting deep down and I wish i could do anything to make her smile and think about the future. I realized from some bad things in my life that reliving the past can only make things worse, we all have to move on and learn from what happened in the past without letting it get to deep into our heads. Kristi, i want you to know I will listen to whatever you want to tell me ......no matter how much you think it will hurt me. You are a strong woman and I praise God everyday for you being in my life. You are not a friend, you are the best of friends. Please don't let people try to make you feel guilty for not being what they want you to be, you are perfect the way you are. There are so many people you make happy just by being around them. Look at the friends you have, they are there for a reason. You have a profound effect on people, especially me. So keep your chin up and don't look back. I know you are hurting and I hope it all fades away. if you need anything at all from me let me know, because you make me feel more alive than anything life has given me so far. Thanks for being there.....I only hope I can be there for you when you need me to be or want me to be.

Drop that like its HOT!!!

So the circuit race was today and i woke up with no aspirations to even leave my apartment. I really could have just slept all day long, but one thing made me go there, kristi was going to come and watch me race for the first time ever. That in itself was enough to get me out the door. I had zero legs today, and I mean they were crap, but the funny thing is I felt absolutely no pain. It was weird i was putting in efforts and got away for almost a whole lap and it never really hurt. Maybe the form is here and I just don't know it. Well all race we sat and attacked each other after a few guys got away, all of a sudden I look up and Josh (my teammate and #1 GUN on our team) is coming back to us fast. He got to us and all he said was ride for yourself today. All i could think was wow this is not a good day, i hate to see Josh have that kind of day because he has put so much into cycling. Immediately I went on auto-pilot, conserving some energy and not letting things get over my head. This was my first big race that i wanted to show some form in, so I needed a result. We came into the last lap with about 20-25 guys still left with 4 guys up the road. I came from last position on the uphill sprint and just killed it, to my surprise I came up huge in the sprint and i also beat Steven Ballinger with my first ever bike throw. Steven won the overall for Superweek last year, so he is a very accomplished rider and a great sprinter. All i can say is that it was game day and i did not dissapoint myself or anyone who came to watch. Every pain i had seemed to go away when kristi came and I must dedicate this reslut to her being there, I am happy that Louie and Lindsay took care of her while I was racing, and I am sorry if the guys were typical men at the race. I have given so much to cycling, but with her there it meant so much more to me then what cycling could give me. It's a great thing to know she cares. So now an easy week of riding and we will see from there. i am pretty dead right now, but have to go out to dinner with Kristi and buy the most amazing woman I have ever met some good food. Until later, keep your head up and good things can happen. Thanks for everything guys, I will miss everyone more than i can explain! By the way stay tuned for a lot of pics.

Boooring!!!

So we had the WMU race this morning. it was an 82 mile Road race, and was the most boiring race to date. I seriously think i attacked about 12 times and got gaps at least 4 or 5, on the first lap i had about a minute but could not bridge to Scott. he saw me get within 15 seconds and put the hammer down even harder. i tried mixing it up an got in a break again with a Purdue guy and Sparky from Wisconsin. Sparky I DON NOT RESPECT YOU. If you are gonna be in a breakaway be a man and do your fair share of work. Then he proceeded to get dropped and re-enter the race with a lap and a half to go. I can say i dislike that kid a lot. At one point Josh got a lil gap and i was right on his wheel, so i thought I will break check everyone else so he can get up the road. This is the first time that ever worked, he ended up getting away and picking up a 6th place. i think i got top 15 or so, but we will see. For having about 50 guys start and 29 finish it was truly a race that you either were totally for or totally against. Me and Dave have had some trouble with each other in the past, but all i can say is great race, great course, and very good work Bubbles. Your form will come around and it's still early so keep your head up. At one point in the race Kristi popped into my head and how i would rather be realxing and watching her run at CMU, but I quickly got rid of that thought, time away from each other is needed, I just hope she had a great day. I enjoyed having her pop in though for a second, I can't lie. Ok so mom and dad are here so i gotta spend time with them because i rarely get to see them. Tomorrow do not expect much from me, i am knackered(really exhausted). Sorry if I disappoint anyone who comes to watch, but any of you who are there that will give me extra motivation, one face in particular. Over the moon but really tired at the moment. Later!
J_DUB

Meeting Mom

Today I got up very early, I decided to get a ride in and do my laundry before work. It was nasty out and wet the whole time. I got it in though and then I went and worked. I took off early to go meet Kristi and her mom out for lunch. I wasn't nervous but I was anxious. Her mom was great, and it shows in Kristi, I can not say enough about her and her family thus far. Amazing is the only word i can think of, and i even got approval from her mom, but her mom did take a pic of me with her phone to show her father and brother, i hope I looked as pretty as I could have. I have never been able to just talk to someones mom like that, OK well maybe Nickis mom, but shes like my 2nd mom back home. Then i had to go back to work, and even though it was horrible nothing could ruin my day. Today was also payday which is nice. Then i got out and took Kristi to see Lucky Number Slevin. Good Flick but I was a little lost for a bit, but then it all came together. Kristi managed to down almost a whole bag of popcorn, and all i can say is way to go champ! So tomorrow is the day of destiny, so ibetter get to bed. I'll let you know how i go. Good luck at CMU Kristi, i know you will do great. Ok good night and a big thank you to Mrs. Linda Powers for the delicious Olive garden today, I tried to pay but her mom is very quick. haha. I love my life!

Uh Huh, Thats Right!

Its upon us!!! What i have worked so hard for all winter, the 6 hour days, the frozen fingers, toes, and face. The long lonely rides where no one can understand why the hell you are out riding in 25 degree weather with less than 1 inch tires on your bike. This is the race that i based my whole collegiate season around. I know I should try to do good in every race, but I am the type of rider who needs the intensity of racing to get my "race legs". So this weekend is an 82 mile Road race on Saturday, mostly flat, probably windy, and it will not end in a mass group sprint. Josh thinks it may be beneficial to get in an early break and see if I can stay away until the race breaks apart. Then if a group comes up to me sit on some wheels and recharge. Thats my plan, put the WMU Jersey out there for the local community yo see and to show them that we mean business and don't just ride for the fun of it. Sunday is a campus circuit, which will be "a race of attrition". This race does not suit me well, so all I can do is my best and do some work for Josh if need be. I think he knows I will get myself dropped if that means he can get a good result. All about sacrifice for a teammate. Josh if u need anything like a bidon (water bottle), energy gel, or just a lil hug buddy let me know. Im not gonna lie I am on edge with anticipation. I have a great evening planned with Kristi so hopefully that will keep my mind off the race for a bit. I can't over analyze anything, just ride my bike. I also get to meet her mom today, and I am not nervous for the first time in my life. I think her mom will be just as great as her, hell she raised Kristi....right? I'll let you know how that goes. Until then I bid you all adieu! That means good bye in some foreign language, look at me using words where I don't even know the origin. HAHA!! Later!

Hey there Boo Boo is that a Pic-a-nic Basket!!!

Yogi Bear....ah classic. So focus is 99.9% on the race this weekend. i have a good feeling and the legs are feeling well! They could be better, but what can you do when u ride too hard a lot. I had a talk with Josh last night and realized he is a great guy and i am really happy I can call him a friend. he may not think i listen to him, but I soak up all the knowledge he will give me. the basis of the convo was not wasting efforts and energy to put my nose on the front of races. the rest should take care of itself. So now i am looking forward to having mom and dad come and see me do what I love more than myself. I think they understand how much cycling means to me and they have never not given me support in my endeavors. If you know my mom and dad then u know they are the greatest parents anyone could ask for, so thanks mom and dad for always being there and letting me tell u everything, even when it gets me into trouble! Ok I gotta go shower, im hanging out with the most beautiful girl in the world and i must try to look 1% as good as her, wish me luck with that, haha! I think we are hanging out with Danielle too, so thats a good thing that i am allowed around her friends and i am not an embarrassment, hopefully. Oh yeah and according to Josh he likes this blog cuz, " You're just a silly bastard." Info Josh I do know my parents so I would appreciate not being called a bastard, joking of course. Thanks for reading this lame excuse for a blog! See ya!

Friends

I realized last night that there are people who care about me more than I think. Thanks for the call Josh, and I know i get a little to excited when racing, but I am working on it. Now the BIG races are this weekend. I have done a lot of work for these races, and trust me, i am going to make it worth the time. Every year i seem to pull off my first good performance at WMU, this year I dont want that to change. So the road race is 82 miles, which i am not worried about, i know it will be windy and long, but stay on wheels and conserve energy by not making any irratic decisions. The second day will be a race of serious suffering. I would not be surprised if 4 or 5 guys just blow the field away, because they can. There are guys from pro teams like Priority Health, Nerac, Sakonnet, etc... I don't really know who the other guys race for, oops. I just hope I can mix it up near the front, but I think when people are there cheering for us, it makes the pain a bit easier to deal with. Sorry if anyone sees a face of me suffering, but thats how it has to be and I wouldn't have it any other way. I just hope they can watch and realize that this is what i love to do. I have done the work and deposited the efforts in the bank, it's time to make a few withdrawals on that account now.............. Later! Oh yeah, to all the WMu guys, lets make this weekend worth it, its only me and Josh on saturday and if I have to bury myself so he can get a good result, well then thats what i will do. What many people do not realize is that even though I want to get good results, it is even better for me to see a teammate and a friend do great things, and I know he can.

Long day

Long day, rode my bike, ate some food, ordered some stuff. Thats about it. Yeah if you can't tell i am depressed. I have no idea why this comes and goes. It hits me really hard on my super looong days too. Just miserable. I guess I have chemical imbalance in my medulla oblingata, basically I am f%%%ed in the head. you can fill in that blank genius. went out to the wednesday night ride and nothing has changed, still the same faces, most i didnt miss. So I probably wont be doing that ride much anymore. Also found out that the merger that was to occur and afford me a new job is not taking place. the worst part is that I had to hear through a different source than the person who offered me the job. I guess that says a lot for "friends" huh????? Ok I am gonna stop typing because I just got the urge throw something thru the wall! Eat it!

Day Off from work

I have the day off from work. So what is on my agenda? Well i am gonna go out for a ride as usual, but I am contemplating doing a few hours easy and then heading out to the Wednesday night ride. It is the first ride of the season and I really do not care about it. They are doing the first four rides in restricted gears, which is not fun riding when some of us are looking to build race fitness. this is probably the fastest ride and has some impressive riders in it. Jeff hamilton is usually there, he is a state champ from last season, then the usual characters like Josh, Luke, jason, and a host of others. During the season i use the ride as my only midweek hard ride. Its about 45-50 miles and we usually get it done in under 2 hours, but today will be slow i think, so i may not go. I really want to see everyone from the group, but who knows what i am gonna do at this point. I may do my stress test early and then ride easy the rest of the day. i cant wait for Saturday and Sunday, the anticipation of the WMU races has me on edge, so if i seem a bit touchy this week I am sorry. I would also like to report Matt is out of the hospital with a broken thumb and dislocated elbow, so his season is blown now, damn!!!!!! OK, onto my day, and good luck on the test tomorrow Kristi! Later!
J_DUB

Uh oh.... dislocated elbow

Ok, so ill cut directly to the story. Out riding today for about 2 hours. I see a few teammates so I hook up with them and we are riding onto campus around the roundabout. 5 seconds later I feel a wheel all over my rear wheel, if you know anything about cycling it is that when a rear wheel touches someones front wheel the person behind almost always goes down. Next thing I hear is absolute carnage, bikes hitting the pavement, and screams of pain..... What was the outcome you may ask??? Well two guys crashing and another losing it a little bit, well i had to call 911, because Matt said he thinks his elbow was broken, which I didnt believe. It took about 10 minutes for them to get there, and they cut his shirts and gear off him, and it was NASTY!! His elbow was down in his forearm area and about 5 times the size of his arm. I feel so bad because i was the last thing he touched before he hit the pavement, but I guess that is cycling. So to all you a-hole motorists, be patient, the 5 seconds you have to wait to go around us is not worth ruining someones life is it??? I know he was super stoked for our races coming up here at WMU this weekend, but alas he will not be racing. I hope he doesnt have to have surgery..... Later ! Matt, if you read this and need anything let me know buddy!

Um Please!

Ok, so here is the other pic I have from Purdue, right before the ITT. Andre was saying something in Russian and i was laughing cuz I think he called me a Bolshevik or something! Regardless, I told my fathers side of the family that i am done with them. No need to explain, just years of them seeing me as a child still. Their idea of a adult means you work 80 hours a week and have the life sapped out of you, sorry thats not for me. Me and Kristi watched some Scrubs, and I wonder now why I have never seen it, the first time I laughed all day was around 9 PM, thanks for the intro to the show Kristi. Thats all i did today other than work and 3 and a half hours on the bike. Good day!

Um.....

Ok so im gonna start off by saying this, I don't care who reads this and who critiques my life. My only living grandparent thinks my life is strange cuz I race my bike and am not centered around money. My uncle thinks I am stupid because I do not use the correct punctuation ( its a journal, not grammatical situations monthly). A couple freinds give me a hard time because I may sound soft. Well folks i am not apologizing for anything that is written on here, it is all the truth and comes from my daily life. All i can tell ya is if you dont like it dont read it.
So onto my day, woke up at 630ish to get in a morning ride, only problem is now the sun doesnt come out till almost 730. So got ready and went out for about an hour and a half, at 9 am it started raining and I had enough rain yesterday. Went to work and talked with my boss about some personal stuff, which I never thought I could relate to him on a personal level, but he is a really good guy, he even is coming to check out my race on Sunday.
Then Sean called and asked if I could go so he can get out a lil early to drive home for a doctors appt. tomorrow, so I obliged and went for ride #2 of the day. An hour this time and it was so windy i nearly went down several times. I guess im getting pretty crafty on the bike, cuz at one point I managed to jump a curb to save a crash from happening. So now i am going to get on the trainer for an hour or so, and then maybe hang out with Kristi. Everyone is telling me to relax and take it slow with her, well i am relaxed and want the best for her, so unless she says she needs to chill out, then I will keep trying to make her happy! Later!
J_DUB

Pics from Purdue

Here is a pic of Josh and myself before the start of the ITT!!! Hope u like it!

Great Weekend

Ok, so I was gone racing all weekend so gimme a break. I also got some constructive critcism about my blog, I was told I should work on my punctuation and grammatical errors, thanks Uncle Woody. After all this is just a blog not brain surgery. To start off we left friday and got to Purdue, not a fun drive. We did a 10.5 mile Time Trial and Josh killed the field beating some well known pros, and I did not do to shabby myself. I think I may be suited to races against the clock, or maybe developing into a time trialist, Josh tells me all i need is to use my power now, as I spin an easy gear too often. It is hard work to get good at time trials but I am coming around.
I left the race and did not partake in the Team Time Trial, sorry fellas. I think they understand that i really wanted to see Kristi run anyways. So I got to her meet really early and froze my you know what off, but that was a small price to pay for watching her do what she loves. She was so concentrated that I felt bad for being there, but I hope she knows I just want to support her. Went out to eat with an old pal, Damian. Its good to know that you can see someone 4 years after being their teammate and still talk like you haven't missed a beat.
The race on Sunday was all for not. I warmed up for an hour and a half only to find out that the race was postponed for a bit due to rain, so we protested that and basically no race to speak of. It was great having a coach stick up for the riders safety by saying, "nothing good could come of this". Thanks Ken. We drove very fast and got back to Western at around 5ish. So i decided, since Kristi was going home to see her family that there was time for a ride. So I rode another 2 hours and caught the finish of the Tour of Flanders. Bonnen again as I predicted. I actually won a prize for guessing 1st and 3rd places in the race. I won some tubes from Midwest Cycling Group. So I guess I may have a future in being a psychic??? Who knows.
Finally i discovered the Love for cycling that I was lacking in the early season. all it takes is a few good weekends of racing and it came back to me. It was not hard though to tell my teammates I had to pass on the Team Time Trial to be there for Kristi. I may have let them down, but I would rather have to tell them no, then guarantee I will be there for her and let her down! My life can not totally be based around cycling. Later!
J_DUB

Busy Busy Busy

Today has been horrible. I woke up at 6 am to get a ride in on the trainer, do some cycling laundry, and get packed for the weekend. Then went to work for 8 hours and now I have to get all the stuff packed in the car for the weekend of racing. There is just so little time and so much to do. the one bright spot was getting a message from Kristi, and that is really what kept me going all day. there was a point where I just wanted to walk out of work and say screw this! Between bottle bums, lotto people and just idiots coming in there it was probably the worst day in a while, but I have the races to look forward too. I really hope I get to see kristi run this weekend, that would be a big let down if the guys on the team are so selfish that they can't understand that. We will see, so im leaving confident and mad, so its better all come out in the Time trial tomorrow. Good things are ahead, just wait and see. Im off to the races, wish me luck! Later!
J_DUB

WONDERFUL!

Today was awesome!!!! It was 65 degrees here and completely sunny. I got out of work early and I went for a ride with Jay, Louie, and Jacob. Thanks for coming in early Biba, I owe ya one. It was a joy to not have arm warmers, leg warmers, gloves and such! Soon enough i will probably be complaining about the heat and humidity. After the ride I went and got Kristi some dinner because i thought she may need some nourishment, she had a busy day and all I want is her happiness! I also looked at some shoes for casual wear and maybe some running. Kristi says she is gonna get me out the door for a few runs this summer and I can handle that, as long as they are easy runs and don't kill my quads for racing. I came home from that and napped HARD! it felt awesome, and now I have to go back and finish the shift for Liz, ugh, but I do get to stop by Kristis for an hour or so, so everything is great! And watch out whoever is doing the Purdue TT I have my form coming back to me. Honestly I will be happy with placing top 15, there are a lot of really good riders there so I can't get over confident. I am often critcised for not giving myself enough credit for my cycling ability, maybe its just I have learned that talking does nothing if you can't back it up! So all I can hope for is my body to be ready to hurt, and I know it will be. I have also been getting calls and emails on my TT performance last weekend, one in particular said, "it looks like you are gonna be rockin this year." Coming from a guy i respect a lot that means something to me! So I am off now and I am loving every moment I am living right now, what more could I ask for than my family, Kristi and the cycling... everything is great! The job still isn't....lol! Later Dudes!
J_DUB

When do you know???

When do you know that you have found someone truly special? When you can completely let your guard down and just be you. I can only do this with a handful of people, but Kristi is an exception. I have known her for only about a month and since I met her my life has been completely amazing. Just seeing her smiling face makes me happy. Being able to just talk to her about anything, being able to just hug her, and most of all just being in her presence. I know she may read this and think I am being corny, but thats OK. I really have no worries at the moment, I know we can both do our own thing and be able to tell each other every detail and not have that feeling of will they accept what i have done. I just want to make her the happiest person that she can be. So, i can't wait to see where this may go. I had kind of given up on most things before I met her, but meeting her makes me realize there is more to life than work and my cycling adventures. To tell the truth if she asked me to give it up to be there for her I would be able to make that sacrifice, because she makes me happier than all of what cycling gives me. Inner peace is what I have found. The truth is everything great happens when you least expect it. So I am looking forward to the future and not dwelling on the past anymore. People come and go, but some are more special and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make them happy. Thanks for everything Kristi!

OUCH!!!!

I got that big ride in like I planned. I just returned from a 6 hour ride and I am exhausted. I did some TT work for 2 hours, then went out to the country for 2 hours and did telephone pole sprints for a while which was very hard. Then I did 2 one hour loops around town, so needless to say i am beat! Other than that i have nothing else on the agenda except some time with Kristi tonight. I did notice one thing out on my ride today though. Why can't an opposum ever make it accross the road without dying. I saw so much road kill that I had to compile a list.
Opposum- 9
Skunk- 2
Rabbits-2
Raccoon-1
Squirrel-1
Unable to decipher what kind of animal- 2
Take into account that I rode anywhere from 100-115 miles today, so about every 10 miles there was a new animal laying in the road. Thats how my day has been, hopefully tonight is even better.

Silly Rabbit Tricks are for kids!

I dont know why I have that headline, it just popped into my head. Anyways I had a good day other than work and riding. Work was sooo boring, and the ride was uneventful, I did some TT work then went in and hit the trainer for 45 minutes. I got in an hour and a half. This means I am gonna load up and ride in the country for about 6 hours tomorrow! The best part of my day was seeing Kristi. But I couldn't believe I told her I care about her more than she may think. I meant it completely and i have never felt this good around anyone. I just can't believe i had the guts to tell her that! I don't have a care in the world when i am around her, so that lets me know its a great thing. OK, gotta get some rest for tomorrows big ride! Later....
J_DUB

and another one of those!

Today was a good day, very productive! I worked for 6 hours, then Sean came in so i could go out and ride. The weather was nice and sunny all day until I had to ride. Oh well, I will take it, it was about 45 degrees, so that a plus in my book. Rode for about 2 and a half hours, then came home and got some bottles returned ( I believe it was close to $40) and also bought some Wheat Thins, the sundried tomato and basil ones, and boy are they tasty! Other than that i talked to Kristi on the phone for a while, as she had some HW to catch up on, and also proofread her paper thats due tomorrow. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better it does.... she is smart as a tack. Talked to the parents for a bit and they say they have a lot of stories from the land down under to tell me as well as pics. But mom wants to save that for when they come watch the WMu races in 2 weeks. Wow, I can't believe the collegiate season is almost over, just a day ago it seems like we were ending last season. On a great note i found out I am one of Alltel-Ada's "big-guns"for this year, and that they will "take good care of me to keep me happy". This means some free swag which is always welcome. And last but certainly not least I found out that Purdue is not having a road race this year, instead they opted for an Indivdual Time Trial and Team Time Trial. thats great because I love time trial's. Its all about who can ride the fastest and not startegy most of the time. It also gives me more time to get to the WMU girls track meet and I am very interested in that because Kristi tells me there may be some fast times there, regardless of how I do I will be happy if she does good! We may not do the Team Time Trial though, because Dave is just coming off his injury, and it would most likely be Josh pulling us around for 9 miles, so we may just save our legs for the crit on Sunday! I will keep you posted. Later!
J_DUB

and another one of those!

Today was a good day, very productive! I worked for 6 hours, then Sean came in so i could go out and ride. The weather was nice and sunny all day until I had to ride. Oh well, I will take it, it was about 45 degrees, so that a plus in my book. Rode for about 2 and a half hours, then came home and got some bottles returned ( I believe it was close to $40) and also bought some Wheat Thins, the sundried tomato and basil ones, and boy are they tasty! Other than that i talked to Kristi on the phone for a while, as she had some HW to catch up on, and also proofread her paper thats due tomorrow. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better it does.... she is smart as a tack. Talked to the parents for a bit and they say they have a lot of stories from the land down under to tell me as well as pics. But mom wants to save that for when they come watch the WMu races in 2 weeks. Wow, I can't believe the collegiate season is almost over, just a day ago it seems like we were ending last season. On a great note i found out I am one of Alltel-Ada's "big-guns"for this year, and that they will "take good care of me to keep me happy". This means some free swag which is always welcome. And last but certainly not least I found out that Purdue is not having a road race this year, instead they opted for an Indivdual Time Trial and Team Time Trial. thats great because I love time trial's. Its all about who can ride the fastest and not startegy most of the time. It also gives me more time to get to the WMU girls track meet and I am very interested in that because Kristi tells me there may be some fast times there, regardless of how I do I will be happy if she does good! We may not do the Team Time Trial though, because Dave is just coming off his injury, and it would most likely be Josh pulling us around for 9 miles, so we may just save our legs for the crit on Sunday! I will keep you posted. Later!
J_DUB

Ah yes

Here are the top 4 from the Fisk Knob Time Trial
1. Joshua Tarrant
2. Tom Burke
3. Russ Tiles
4. Jeremy Woolcock

Considering all these guys are very accomplished riders I think I added some class to my name this weekend. Anyway, I had an evening with Kristi last night again. I can not believe I can sit there and talk to her without anything else going on. I can not talk to anybody like I can her, so thats saying a lot for her. I love her personality and really enjoy the time I can spend with her. We both understand that we have to have our athletic lives and our friendships, so i really do not see any problems arising with any of that. So I am over the moon after my result yesterday and everything that is happening in my life. Thanks to everyone who is there for me. And mom and dad made it back from Australia so thats great news. Im out dudes!
J_DUB

24 hours of FUN!

Ok, great day out for a bike race today, but firstI had another great night with Kristi, and her friends last night. We went bowling and I took her out for a dinner. I have nothing to say other than it was amazing. I thought I would have a tough time meeting her friends, but it was really nice. Thanks ladies for the fun, especially you Kristi. Now onto the race. It ended up being a little longer than everyone thought it would be. 16.5 Miles of Time Trialling. I got there early and registered and pinned the number on. Then began warming up and doing the prerace stuff. I felt really good and had people start in front of me that i knew I could crush. So from the start I went as hard as I could. I caught my 30 second man at 2 miles in, so im thinking wow Im flying. I eneded up catching a teammate, Jon Decker, 5 miles in and he started 90 seconds before me, so I was still hauling. Then at 7 miles in I was like oh crap, now I am going to pay, and i started cramping up. I still kept my speed reasonably high though. I ended up catching people who had started 15 minutes before me, and I caught people every mile. Not getting passed by anyone along the way. I ended up doing the 16.5, which turned out to be closer to 17 miles in 40:37. Average speed of about 25-26 MPH. Not bad for my first real test. Josh killed everyone as I thought he would, and I even got to use the new Zipps I bought off him. First time that I rode them and I didnt even touch my brakes in the corners. So 4th in the race (age group), and 12th overall. So I am very happy at the moment, but still can do some work to get better. Considering I am not a "true" Time Triallist it was a very very good day. I was right near the top guys in the state and it felt good, it was also great to see everyone after the long offseason. Now I am off to watch the Criterium International at Louie's. Peace Dudes! Hopefully someone took pics and I can post them up here soon, but I have a feeling they didnt. Who wants to see the ugly face of my pain anyways???? Later!

24 hours of FUN!

Ok, great day out for a bike race today, but firstI had another great night with Kristi, and her friends last night. We went bowling and I took her out for a dinner. I have nothing to say other than it was amazing. I thought I would have a tough time meeting her friends, but it was really nice. Thanks ladies for the fun, especially you Kristi. Now onto the race. It ended up being a little longer than everyone thought it would be. 16.5 Miles of Time Trialling. I got there early and registered and pinned the number on. Then began warming up and doing the prerace stuff. I felt really good and had people start in front of me that i knew I could crush. So from the start I went as hard as I could. I caught my 30 second man at 2 miles in, so im thinking wow Im flying. I eneded up catching a teammate, Jon Decker, 5 miles in and he started 90 seconds before me, so I was still hauling. Then at 7 miles in I was like oh crap, now I am going to pay, and i started cramping up. I still kept my speed reasonably high though. I ended up catching people who had started 15 minutes before me, and I caught people every mile. Not getting passed by anyone along the way. I ended up doing the 16.5, which turned out to be closer to 17 miles in 40:37. Average speed of about 25-26 MPH. Not bad for my first real test. Josh killed everyone as I thought he would, and I even got to use the new Zipps I bought off him. First time that I rode them and I didnt even touch my brakes in the corners. So 4th in the race (age group), and 12th overall. So I am very happy at the moment, but still can do some work to get better. Considering I am not a "true" Time Triallist it was a very very good day. I was right near the top guys in the state and it felt good, it was also great to see everyone after the long offseason. Now I am off to watch the Criterium International at Louie's. Peace Dudes! Hopefully someone took pics and I can post them up here soon, but I have a feeling they didnt. Who wants to see the ugly face of my pain anyways???? Later!

The Champ

Just got back from the track meet, and it was COLD, but well worth it. I got to see some old friends( Mayer, Damian, Eric, and Paul). I also got to see Kristi run and I loved it. She led wire to wire to win the 1500 in 4:47, which is good considering the conditions. I think I was more proud to see her do well then I have ever been of any of my accomplishments. She also did the 4x400 and they won that too. I just really enjoyed watching her do what she loves most. Now I have to get this futon situated and then dinner with Kristi and sme line dancing. OK, I hate, and I mean hate meeting freinds of a girl i am interested in, but this is different. Her friends all seem great, and I think they want me to come. Other than that, tomorrow is the big day. 24 KM's of Time trialing. I also got the word that I will be receiving a FREE pair of Smith Optical glasses, so now I have to check their website. Im off.
J_DUB

The Talk

Ok, so i am feeling better now. I just hung out with Kristi and that seems to always make things better. She told me how she really feels and that made the picture a lot more clear. The thing about her is that I trust her completely, and I have never had that. So all i can do is be there for her when she wants and let her have her space at the same time, kinda a juggling act, but I am willing to make a sacrifice for her. I told her I can wait for her, for when she is ready, and I want to wait. When she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons that is all I needed to hear. So things are good. I don't have to fake anything with her, and a quote from a movie we watched, "you just gotta put yourself out there and hope the person likes you for who you are." Well thats all i can do, and if we are not right for each other, then I will not look back on it as a wasted time. She makes me happy and thats all that matters. OK now I have to switch my mindset to the Time Trial this weeekend. 24 KM of hell, and the sad part is I will love every second of it. Hopefully i can ride the new Zipps I am getting!!! Fingers Crossed. OK, Im off to do better things with my life.

Unsatisfied

I am so miserable right now. I can not give reasons because I just have no reason. I miss my parents as they are in Australia, but I think its deeper than that. So that is all I have to say. Glue is tasty!

Nice day

Today was great. I did everything that i wanted to, I worked, rode for an "easy" hour and a half, and hung out with Kristi for a bit. On the ride I ended up meeting up with Jacob, then shortly there after with Louie, and chaos insued. I have to admit riding with people, especially close friends makes it sooo much easier. I also did some efforts up the finishing climb of the circuit race, and what would you know it's getting easier. Ok eat glue sneetches! I dunno what a sneetch is, but my dad says it a lot, so if u know let me in on that.

Highs and Lows

You know how you have those moments of just great pride and wonderous joy? Well I am on the opposite end of that. I will not bore you all with the mundane details, but it mostly centers around my parents being all the way across the world and not having them to talk to. They are in Australia and I would give almost anything to just be able to talk to them right now. I know I have bi-polar or something, maybe its just i am a f%$#ing head-case. Damn I wish I knew how to curb this. I dunno what else you wanna hear. ??????????????

Highs and Lows

You know how you have those moments of just great pride and wonderous joy? Well I am on the opposite end of that. I will not bore you all with the mundane details, but it mostly centers around my parents being all the way across the world and not having them to talk to. They are in Australia and I would give almost anything to just be able to talk to them right now. I know I have bi-polar or something, maybe its just i am a f%$#ing head-case. Damn I wish I knew how to curb this. I dunno what else you wanna hear. ??????????????

uh oh!

So I decided to wake up early and get a ride in before work....BIG mistake. It was sooo cold that my fingers were frozen about an hour in, so I decided to call it a day and head in. Then went to work blah, blah, blah... I sent Kristi some flowers today, but one problem, her ex's name is also Jeremy, so that could have back fired on me. But I hope she liked them. She says she has never received flowers, so its nice to do that for her, considering I really wanted to. ANyways, I may go get another ride in with Louie. This weekend is the big Time Trial I have been looking forward too. I will keep you posted on that. Eat Glue!
J_DUB

All work no play

So after a great 5-6 hours of sleep I got to go back to work at 10 AM. It is pretty strange how I saw the same people who were drinking all night last night before noon again today......LOSERS. Thank God I learned my lesson with the alcohol and the money thrown down the drain. I have also learned that rest is my friend, so no riding to speak of today, and my bike is giving me the evil eye right now. I figure Ill get a big one in tomorrow though....at least a 5 hour jaunt. Other than that I enjoyed candy for the first time in about 2 months (DOTS if u care to know). Regardless of all this, I am going out to enjoy the night tonight. Myself and an old roommate, affectionately known to many as Sacks are gonna get into some trouble maybe.... not too much tho. Alright I am gonna sign off. Oh yeah and why do events that proclaim they will have "live results" never truly come through???? I just want to see how the WMU girls ran in Alabama today, mostly Kristi, but nonetheless I will have to wait for an updte from her. Eat Glue!
J_DUB

Finally its over

St. Patty's Day, ah F#$@ that! I hate all these people who use it as an excuse to be "Irish". Anyways work sucked, and I hate life at the moment. On the bright side I did get a sweet 4 hour ride in today and I felt crisp the entire time. Maybe my body is coming back around. I can not wait for next week. Back to racing as I will be doing the first ITT (Individual Time Trial) of the year. Its 20 Kilometers, or 12.5 miles and I would like to go under 28 minutes for it but the weather will be a big factor in that, regardless it will be a good early season test for my work thus far. I can't wait to get on the TT bike and open up the throttle for real. I have trained on it, but nothing, and I mean nothing can compare to doing a race. If u don't know anything around 28 minutes is about 27-28 MPH, or about 45 Kilometers per hour. OK Im gonna nod off, EAT SOME GLUE!
J_DUB

Damn Town Folk

Ok so I see that I posted the same thing 3 times, oops. Damn free wireless internet. Anyways, happy St. Patty's Day to all. I got in a nice 4 hour excursion today, which consisted of drunk college turds yelling everything from GO LANCE!!! to Tour De France. I hate how uneducated the mass still is about cycling, oh well thats there lose. Other than that I have something up my sleeve........my arm, no but seriously I have something planned for someone but will save the deatils for after it happens. This will make for a better story. So Yeah I guess I have to work tonight at the ole Mart. UGHHHHHHHH!!! Oh well life goes on. Now EAT GLUE!!!!!!!
J_DUB

It's a good day

John, Louie and Myself in the WMU TT 2005
50 meters from the finishing line.
So it's snowing here, but thats the only problem I have right now. I hung out with Kristi again last night and thing were GREAT! I also got in a nice long ride out in the country alone. Cleared my head a bit. So with Kristi being gone what will I do??? Well I will have to hang out with Matt and get a lil tipsy perhaps, or maybe just DD for him, haha. But anyways I can't get this girl off my mind, and yes she's a good kisser. Well I am gonna ride the trainer for a while and take the day easy. 3 hours isn't to much for a trainer ride is it??? OK I gotta jet now. Later
J_DUB

Does it make You Happy

So today wasn't a total bust, it was excellent. I got to get out of work a little early and get some errands done. I got to ride inddors on the trainer. I then got a call that our new WMU gear was in, and for any cyclist you know what thats like. New chamois, new material, just makes you feel like riding, so I tacked another hour on the Time Trial bike for good measure. Then I got an unexpected call from Kristi saying her friend wanted to meet me, and I have to say i am very happy that she called. She really has a good head on her and is a really great girl. So after that I went and visited Lou and Lindz and hung around with them for a bit. My day was eventful for once, but tomorrow I may have to go to court for a 16 year old kid breaking into my apartment and me walking in on him still in my apartment. Hopefully they can settle it out of court and I will not have to show, because that would cut into my training time seriously on one of my two days off from work this week. Other than that I plan on having a great evening with Kristi. Its time for bed for me, later.
J_DUB

Does it make You Happy

So today wasn't a total bust. I got to get out of work a little early and get some errands done. I got to ride inddors on the trainer. I then got a call that our new WMU gear was in, and for any cyclist you know what thats like. New chamois, new material, just makes you feel like riding, so I tacked another hour on the Time Trial bike for good measure. Then I got an unexpected call from Kristi saying her friend wanted to meet me, and I have to say i am very happy that she called. She really has a good head on her and is a really great girl. So after that I went and visited Lou and Lindz and hung around with them for a bit. My day was eventful for once, but tomorrow I may have to go to court for a 16 year old kid breaking into my apartment and me walking in on him still in my apartment. Hopefully they can settle it out of court and I will not have to show, because that would cut into my training time seriously on one of my two days off from work this week. Other than that I plan on having a great evening with Kristi. Its time for bed for me, later.
J_DUB

Does it make You Happy

So today wasn't a total bust. I got to get out of work a little early and get some errands done. I got to ride inddors on the trainer. I then got a call that our new WMU gear was in, and for any cyclist you know what thats like. New chamois, new material, just makes you feel like riding, so I tacked another hour on the Time Trial bike for good measure. Then I got an unexpected call from Kristi saying her friend wanted to meet me, and I have to say i am very happy that she called. She really has a good head on her and is a really great girl. So after that I went and visited Lou and Lindz and hung around with them for a bit. My day was eventful for once, but tomorrow I may have to go to court for a 16 year old kid breaking into my apartment and me walking in on him still in my apartment. Hopefully they can settle it out of court and I will not have to show, because that would cut into my training time seriously on one of my two days off from work this week. Other than that I plan on having a great evening with Kristi. Its time for bed for me, later.
J_DUB

Wind Tunnel

Ah today was a total waste of a ride. I was either going 40 MPH with the wind at my back, or 5 MPH with it in my face, and hour and a half worth, but the wind did make the sprints very easy. And that new chemistry building construction area needs to be cleaned up on campus here, sand in the eyes while trying to keep my balance = Jeremy into a fence. I assume it was pretty funny seeing a guy in spandex go into a fence! I can laugh about it now at least. So a little more on last night. It had to be the first time in a long time that I can remember that I took a girl out on an actual date. To be honest it was also the first time I really cared about the her having fun rather than myself. Maybe this is the beginning of good things to come, who knows? Anyways as I am typing this someones window in my apartment complex has just been blown out of the sill and crashed to the ground, shows how old and horrible this place is. Ok well thats it for now. Time for some relaxation.

Bad Movies

Now I am sure we have all seen some bad movies, but "the Hills Have Eyes" ranks among the worst I have ever seen. I believe the comment was "how did that ever make it to theaters", and I have to agree with Kristi. So DON'T go see it,and I apologize Kristi for making you watch that.
Other than doing that and having dinner at Carrabas last night, my day was kind of a bust. Got in a solo ride, with nice weather and cleaned the apartment for a while.....BORING. Although I would have to say last night made up for a really boring week. So I would say I am really happy at the moment. Now my only problem is to decide how I am going to get a ride in today! Perhaps a day off. Stay tuned, i will hopefully have some sweet TT pics in a few from the first TT of the season in Michigan!

delicious sun

Ah what a nice Michigan "early" spring day. Today I woke up with full aspirations on taking a day off, didn't happen exactly. Got Sean to work for me so I could go ride, and no Veldman, I did not plan that so I could work with u, so deflate ur head please! Went cruising woth Ludwig for a few then solo. I got about 3 hours in and I realized I was tired.
Its really good riding with someone who I consider a great friend, we just have a blast when we go riding, except today the wind didn't exactly cooperate with us. Anyways its back to the grind at work and stuff. Got a nice little Sunday planned, if everything goes good maybe I will let u in on it then. Yes I am being coy, don't wanna jinx myself.
Oh yeah I cleaned my shit-mobile( aka 96 Ford Contour) and now it smells pretty. Now u can all go to hell, just kidding. I need some sweet sign off like other people I know, but until then I SUCK!!!! Later!

Back in action

Ok so its been a year snce I have been on this, and so after much delay......I'M BACK! Heres the quick run down on what I have been up to.
A) working my ass off to pay off school debts and for racing the bike.
B) over training my ass on the bike.
C) watching too much of That 70's Show

From here on out I will try to update regularly. I may have some good news soon, so those of u who give a hit, keep waiting for an update. Ill try to post racing pics as I get them, but to be honest when we go racing we focus on racing not on taking pics, so bear with me!